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The Perplexed Girl’s Do-No-Wrong Gift Guide for Guys

5
Posted December 14, 2012 by Rú Hickson in Ramp Specials
Christmas Gift Guide - Boys

Before you proceed further, consider that the entire collection of gifts that men actually want to receive every single year could best be categorised as ‘rubbish’. Men like junk, simple as.

If you’re ever puzzled as to what to get your husband/boyfriend/Dad/brother/weird uncle Jerry in prison, remember that we guys like gadgets that make us laugh and cool-looking things that can distract us for a few minutes before we go back to sports or whatever it is that we do. You can go it alone from here if you like, but anything outside of that category is a complete minefield. But you’ve made it this far brave, most-likely-in-possession-of-two-X-chromosomes reader, so why not go a little further and check out the list below, any of which are sure to make him smile on Christmas morning!

Smartphone Gloves

Very few things in this price range will make any man feel like an actual spy, but this is one of them. Keeping your fingers warm while still operating the pesky flesh-craving screen of your smartphone is one of the cooler, simpler pleasures in life. You want a pair for yourself now too, don’t you?

€8-€15 in Dunnes Stores/various or Amazon.co.uk

Toilet Mug

Ignore for a moment the incredibly gross nature of this gift and that your boyfriend is the sort of Neanderthal who would revel in the inherent disgusting mindtrap the mere image of such an item sets. You may have the most classy, stellar, romantic and sweet other half on the planet. Doesn’t matter. Nothing will give him greater pleasure that being served coffee in a commode. Just tell him it can’t leave the house. Or his room. Ever. I bet he’ll even start calling it a crappuccino before long. Go ahead! See if he doesn’t!

€19 incl p&p from Amazon.co.uk

Wolf Spider Mouse

What do you get when you encase an actual wolf spider in Lucite and put it inside the frame of a computer mouse? If he doesn’t have arachnophobia, he’ll think it’s awesome! If he does have it, then it’s awesome therapy! Everyone wins! Even if you think it’s horrible, remember this isn’t about you. He’ll love it! Or completely freak out and go into his special place. One of the two.

€24 from various tech stores or Neatoshop

Archer Turtleneck Sweater

Duh and or hello? Not that this uber-sexy and tactically-superior turtleneck sweater actually needs any qualification, but not only is it the same type that hard-drinking, legendary, international superspy/manchild Sterling Archer endorses, it has his name on it too. Especially perfect for the significant other who spends more time talking to his mother on the phone than he does to you in person.

€45 incl p&p from FX

Game of Thrones House Stark Manbag

The second most useful item on this list is also classy and, to use sewer-dwelling lingo, totally gnarly in equal measure. House Stark being the central focus of George R.R. Martin’s A Song Of Ice And Fire novels, as well as the accompanying TV series. The bag bears the Stark logo of the Dire wolf, an extinct animal that some people on the Internet are trying to bring back because, you know, Internet.

€45 from Forbidden Planet

Portal 2 Turret Hoodie

If you’re worried about Mr. You catching his death in these chilly climes, you could do a lot worse than encourage him to wrap up in an Aperture Science-tested, personality construct-based, Enrichment Center-authenticated replica Sentry Turret hoodie device. Stylistically borne from one of the greatest video games ever. Also comes in black.

€62 incl. p&p from various / Jinx.com

Star Wars R2D2 Bathrobe

This is both an effective method of maintaining your boyfriend’s happiness and ensuring that he’s wearing at least one item of clothing when your parents drop by for an impromptu visit. May cause intermittent beeping and booping as he subconsciously tries to imitate film’s most lovable robot.

€81 incl p&p from Think Geek

Mini Electric Guitar Kit

Nerds, as a rule, like to do stuff. Not useful stuff like cleaning the dishes or DIY or that sort of thing, but throw a few wires and rods in front of him and he’ll be at it for hours! The sense of achievement he’ll get when finished making this Mini Electric Guitar will be incomparable to anything else! Who cares if he doesn’t know how to play? That’s not the point.

€81 incl p&p from Think Geek

THE Swiss Army Knife

Ramping (hurhurhur) up the price significantly, the Victorinox Swisschamp XAVT 80 multi-purpose Swiss Army knife is arguably too useful. Be that as it may, nothing inspires confidence like owning every single tool in one tool! Watch as your beloved gallantly attempts to fix a damaged plug socket with his new gift! Then watch him break down into tears ten hours later, when he realises he and your dire living scenario are primarily a product of his own incompetence!

€297 from Amazon

Lego Death Star

Coming in at the higher end of the price spectrum, this Lego Death Star comes with 24 authentic Lego Star Wars figurines, over 3800 pieces, and one amazing legacy. It should pass the time until the next Star Wars episode pops around in 2015 anyway.

 €430 from Smyths or the Lego Online Store

 


About the Author

Rú Hickson

Despite initial wealth, Ru bankrupted himself by acquiring every existing second-hand copy of Duke Nukem Forever and placing it in a pile he uses for the express purposes of urinating onto and crying over in an unhealthy, but surprisingly therapeutic, downward spiral.

  • Abban

    Can’t go wrong with Conor’s jacket from Assassins Creed 3 http://www.geekologie.com/2012/09/diving-into-hay-bales-assassins-creed-ke.php

  • http://twitter.com/Sarklor Ciaran O’Brien

    Holy crap, you can get Archer tactical turtlenecks!? IT MUST BE MINE!

  • http://twitter.com/powertara Tara Power

    The Stark manbag and Archer turtleneck will buy me at least another 2 years’ relationship time.

  • memaeve

    I get bonus points for getting you one of those a whole year before you compiled this list. xm

  • http://www.krank.ie/ Neil

    Archer turtleneck? AMAZING!

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