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Ramp It Up/Stamp It Down: Friday, April 5th

Posted April 5, 2013 by Lisa McInerney in Ramp Specials

Ramp It Up!

Poor oul’ Bressie

Mammy-approved Fine Cut Of A Man Bressie found himself the centre of a minor brouhaha when the Irish Daily Mirror quoted him as calling for the legalisation of drugs, coaxed EURAD crank Grainne Kenny out from under the stairs to denounce him, and found the most stoned picture of him in existence to back up their implication that he was Ireland’s answer to Timothy Leary. Well, don’t mind them, Bressie. We think you’re as inoffensive as ever and so do our nanas.

Arrested Development

Netflix are set to premiere the highly-anticipated fourth season of Arrested Development from 8am on Sunday, 26th May. Everyone is massively excited. It doesn’t even matter that Michael Cera’s gone through puberty since we last saw it!


More goats

Cops in Tennessee investigating reports of a man crying for help were relieved to find that the source of the screams was… you guessed it, a goat. It’s not the first time it’s happened, either. Silly goats! They think they’re people!



Stamp It Down!


What, we all like Tom ‘Scientology-Far-and-Away-No-one-needs-to-take-meds-for-mental-illness’ Cruise now? Cool your jets there, Benny. Tom’s seriously lame, no matter whose capital city he’s in. Oh, and apparently, he can trace his Irish roots back to Strongbow’s day. Because OF COURSE HE CAN.

Jeremy Irons

Jeremy Irons thinks that it shouldn’t matter who lives with who, because cohabitation is great whether it’s with a man or a dog. But he is a bit concerned about allowing same-sex marriage because it may ‘debase’ tradition (you know, that the woman is sold by her dad to one of his business associates). Also, what’s to stop a man marrying his son for tax purposes in this brave new perverted world of equal rights? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS THAT KEEP SCAR UP AT NIGHT.

April Fool’s Day

UGH. Why must this practical joke crap impinge on our internet time-wasting? Every second news story and every single bloody tweet was FALSE. And not even skilfully false. It was like being married to Kim Kardashian!


About the Author

Lisa McInerney

Lisa’s soul is so damn sensitive, she has to invent and occupy parallel universes just to spread herself evenly. This is also known as being a frustrated novelist.

  • http://twitter.com/Fearganainim Fearganainim

    Jeremy Irons is a firm believer in welting his children, whatever that is. Perhaps it’s time he was repatriated.

  • http://twitter.com/Sarklor Ciaran O’Brien

    Loopy jackass Tom Cruise may be, but you cannot deny his performance in Tropic Thunder was a cinematic tour de fucking FORCE.

    • http://www.ramp.ie/ Lisa McInerney

      To my eternal shame, I agree with you.

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