Ramp It Up/Stamp It Down: Friday, April 5th
Ramp It Up!
Mammy-approved Fine Cut Of A Man Bressie found himself the centre of a minor brouhaha when the Irish Daily Mirror quoted him as calling for the legalisation of drugs, coaxed EURAD crank Grainne Kenny out from under the stairs to denounce him, and found the most stoned picture of him in existence to back up their implication that he was Ireland’s answer to Timothy Leary. Well, don’t mind them, Bressie. We think you’re as inoffensive as ever and so do our nanas.
Cops in Tennessee investigating reports of a man crying for help were relieved to find that the source of the screams was… you guessed it, a goat. It’s not the first time it’s happened, either. Silly goats! They think they’re people!
Stamp It Down!
What, we all like Tom ‘Scientology-Far-and-Away-No-one-needs-to-take-meds-for-mental-illness’ Cruise now? Cool your jets there, Benny. Tom’s seriously lame, no matter whose capital city he’s in. Oh, and apparently, he can trace his Irish roots back to Strongbow’s day. Because OF COURSE HE CAN.
Jeremy Irons thinks that it shouldn’t matter who lives with who, because cohabitation is great whether it’s with a man or a dog. But he is a bit concerned about allowing same-sex marriage because it may ‘debase’ tradition (you know, that the woman is sold by her dad to one of his business associates). Also, what’s to stop a man marrying his son for tax purposes in this brave new perverted world of equal rights? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS THAT KEEP SCAR UP AT NIGHT.