Ramp It Up/Stamp It Down: Friday, 8th of February
Ramp It Up!
Achingly relevant to the important issues of our time is this new Tumblr dedicated to illustrating the hard-knock life of Destiny’s Child’s Michelle, featuring such incidents as ‘the time Tina Knowles made her wear a weave’ (pictured) and ‘the time she pointed in the wrong direction’. Never before have we seen such blatant victimisation. Won’t somebody think of the third wheels?
In a revelation that will shock precisely no one, it’s been discovered that Chris Brown has not completed the community service he was obliged to do after he mangled Rihanna’s face. The LA County District Attorney’s office has called foul on the records kept of his community service hours, finding that he was apparently picking up trash while on a private jet and ghosting his way through cleaning duties after hours in a children’s centre his mother was director of. Pull the other one, it’s got bells on.
Stamp It Down!
Buzzfeed recently published a selection of photographs of Bey looking fierce at her Super Bowl performance. Like, actual fierce. Her PR team got in touch to request that Buzzfeed remove the unflattering photographs as they were unflattering, meaning that what was once a fun thread of fun photos has now blossomed into irrevocable proof that Bey is far too much in love with herself. Heard of the Streisand effect, lads?
A Taoiseach who wouldn’t apologise to the Magdalene slaves even though their incarceration was sanctioned by the government. A host of elected officials who can rush through legislation guaranteeing generations of debt, yet can’t manage to legislate for basic reproductive rights. We’re so ashamed.