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Ramp It Up/Stamp It Down: Friday, 25th of January

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Posted January 25, 2013 by Lisa McInerney in Ramp Specials

Ramp It Up!

Crocodiles

They may take their hides (for purses), but they’ll never take their freedom. After the owners of Rakwena Crocodile Farm in South Africa were forced to open the gates at gunpoint to prevent a storm surge, 15,000 crocodiles made a break for it. 15,000 crocodiles. Did you miss that? FIFTEEN FUCKING THOUSAND CROCODILES.

Inigo Montoya

Last Sunday, Wynand Mullins was flying Quantas from Sydney to Auckland and like many air travellers, he chose to wear a comfy t-shirt on board. Unfortunately for nervous nellies sharing the flight, Mullins’ t-shirt displayed the epic catchphrase ‘Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.’ Fortunately for Inigo, his words proved as intimidating as they are valiant, as Quantas staff requested Mullins remove his shirt. We do not think the slogan means what they thought it meant.

Martin The Guard

Via The Irish Times, Broadsheet.ie and his very own Facebook fan page, us non-Monaghan-based Rampers are finally hearing of the legend of the nicest guard in Ireland, due to retire this year when he his the big six-oh. Good luck to you, Martin The Guard!

 

 

Stamp It Down!

Ireland.com

Ireland’s very own tourism internet web page online thing was launched with what one might charitably call teething troubles. And it cost a whopping €2.5 million! In fairness, we spent only half

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that on Ramp.ie and it’s working great.

 

Kerry County Council

A whole five Kerry County Councillors, led by the irrepressible Danny Healy-Rea, approved a motion that rural people should be allowed to drink and drive because otherwise they’d die of loneliness. Naturally, everyone else was appalled, even the Americans on gawker.com, who happened to believe this collective brain fart had been enshrined in law. Fucking gobshites, the lot of them.

People Being Upset About Beyoncé

She mimes! She mimes to recordings of her own voice! Good Jaysus! What is the world coming to at all.

We think everyone should calm down and remember what Beyoncé sounds like when she’s not lip syncing. Oh, the huge manatee.

YouTube Preview Image

 

Any excuse to play that video, let’s face it.

 


About the Author

Lisa McInerney

Lisa’s soul is so damn sensitive, she has to invent and occupy parallel universes just to spread herself evenly. This is also known as being a frustrated novelist.

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