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Sweary’s Jaw: Kristen Stewart Apologised? Whatever For?

Posted August 1, 2012 by Lisa McInerney in Ramp Specials

I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected.

This momentary indiscretion has jeopardised the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.

So reads actress Kristen Stewart’s public apology to her alleged boyfriend, actor and fellow Twilight casualty Robert Pattinson. Caught in the act with her lips plastered to those of her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, the usually sullen Stewart retreated to the last refuge of the guilty – the grovelling plea for forgiveness.

Heartfelt? Maybe. We are talking about the current highest earning actress in the world, even if she seems to miss the point of her craft more often than she nails it. Cynical? Perhaps. Stewart is proud owner of the most irritating persona in Hollywood, courting publicity with pointed statements about how she can’t stand publicity. Valid? Certainly not. Whatever you think of Kristen Stewart’s acting, facade or magnificently derpy camera face, she had absolutely no reason to publicly apologise for kissing someone she didn’t have a previously documented romantic relationship with.

Some may suggest that because Sanders is married, Stewart is right to apologise for her home-wreckin’ tendencies. Except, of course, she isn’t. Stewart isn’t married, and has no more a moral obligation to Sanders’ wife and family than she does to the Brady Bunch. Whether Sanders’ wandering tongue is a no-no is entirely up to himself and his wife, and for a legally-binding contract, marriage is a very personal thing. Perhaps Sanders has a lot to apologise for. Perhaps what he’s done is inexcusable. It depends greatly on what his wife believes is a rule-breaker, and none of us get to have a say in that. Pontificating about what we believe constitutes a valid marriage is, of course, a communal hobby amongst fans of gossip pages and column inches, and you’ll see plenty of empty debate about whether Sanders crossed a line in enjoying an obnoxious public shift with his leading actress. The fact remains that what happens Chez Sanders is no stranger’s concern.

Neither is what happens in Stewart’s mind, mouth or pants. The fact that she’s now come out to humbly apologise for her indiscretion is both suspicious and disheartening.

Suspicious, because publicly stating any kind of romantic interest in Pattinson has been anathema to Stewart, or at least to the leaden part of her she brings to social engagements. The ‘Are they? Aren’t they?’ slant of the great Stewart/Pattinson association has been going on for years, ever since the hormonal extravaganza of the Twilight movies soldered them into one another’s arms. Bella and Edward are a couple and so too must be Kristen and Robert. It’s not been a consistently convincing journey, but wrapping it up in a kind of cute tease has helped alleviate suspicion that neither actor has more than a smidge of sexual interest in the other. Both on-screen and on the awards stage, Pattinson and Stewart have fizzled with the chemistry of dew on a matchstick.

More than once Stewart has been painted as the villain of the piece. She’s the ungrateful one, the ‘obvious’ gay, the rude bitch whose bolshie front could never fully mask her lack of talent. Pattinson, on the other hand, is the handsome, dishevelled victim, a disarmingly honest Adonis who wears his heart on his sleeve and his hair in a bird’s nest. Is it surprising, then, that Stewart’s been the first to slip up? And in such a blatant manner, too; kissing a married man in full view of the hive of LA busybodies.

In a teenager, you’d assume such wilful carry-on was an invitation to be found out. In an adult, it seems practically contrived.

And what’s disheartening about this whole public apology thing is something a little bigger than the romantic misadventures of the kids we’ve miscast as this generation’s Bogie and Bacall. Demanding Kristen Stewart play the heartless bitch is nothing new, but carving out her role as a fallen women, the depths she must descend to and, perhaps, her glorious redemption at the gentle touch of her handsome saviour is a twist to the tale no one needs. Kristen Stewart owes her fans nothing –  she’s giving them enough as it is – so why must she placate the public’s appetite for fairytale romance… or hussies in need of salvation?

About the Author

Lisa McInerney

Lisa’s soul is so damn sensitive, she has to invent and occupy parallel universes just to spread herself evenly. This is also known as being a frustrated novelist.

  • Brian Fitzgerald

    So who gives two shits about these bozos?  They’re just two actors and not very good ones at that.

    • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

      Ah, but being talented has fuck all to do with being a pop culture icon. And the whole point of this is that a lot of people care, and Kristen Stewart apologising for being so terrible as to kiss someone who wasn’t Robert Pattinson could have wider repercussions than we’d like.

      Whether or not we like it, celebrity culture is massively influential.

  • http://twitter.com/JayRow Jen Ronan

    Absolutely, Sweary. Also it struck me that it seems whenever there’s a cheating scandal, the wronged woman nearly always appears to stick by the eye-wandering cad, and yet here in less than the speed of a Perez Hilton tweet, R-Patz bolted out of the house and left a trail of glittery vampire dust in his wake after his girlie got the sneaky shift. With the exception of Tiger Woods’ wife telling him to sling his hook, it just seems to be the thing to do for the Hollywood impression. Just a personal observation.

    Either way, there’s absolutely nothing that comes out of Hollywood that they don’t want us to know about. Even those stolen sneaky snaps of those two eejits mauling the faces of each other in a car or a park when they can clearly afford a hotel out of the way of prying eyes. Everything is planned and executed to perfection in La-La Land, including these surprise ‘scandals’. They’re almost DVD extras to whatever movies the stars involved make at this stage…

    • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

      They’re almost DVD extras to whatever movies the stars involved make at this stage…

      How true! It’s just another traipse down the publicity trail, isn’t it?

      • http://twitter.com/JayRow Jen Ronan

        Oh completely! I’m a firm believer that everything in that town that happens and is ‘discovered’ or ‘leaked’ or whatever is pre-planned by a team belonging to the star who’s in need of plugging one of their wares. Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Entourage….

  • http://twitter.com/diarmy Diarmaid O Connor

    Can’t stand her – or him for that matter. 

    • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

      Not surprising you’re not fond of Stewart, Diarmaid – it’s almost like she works hard to be that unlikeable.

      Pattinson does come across as a bit of a softie, though, if slightly insane.

      • http://twitter.com/ElleEmSee Laura C

        I quite like Pattinson because he seems to have wandered into a franchise blind and, knowing fine well that they cannot sack him, takes every opportunity to sleg Twilight, Stephanie Meyer and his horrible character.

        Stewart upsets my happiness because I expect the world’s highest paid actress to be able to act.

      • http://twitter.com/diarmy Diarmaid O Connor

        No it’s not even that – there’s no class in Hollywood 2.0 (what I like to call this latest raft of shit young ‘actors’). Maybe I’m just getting old but someone like Stewart (who I don’t even think is very attractive) does herself no favours even talking about this stuff – shit sticks in Hollywood much more than anywhere else – yes we’re talking about her, but not in a good light. Mind you the ‘holier than thou’ crap from RPatz is hardly endearing either!

        • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

          So you don’t think they’re playing PR-defined roles, then?

          • http://twitter.com/diarmy Diarmaid O Connor

            Feck, they are. i just wish there was more class and less trash is all. not saying Frank Sinatra was a good actor but at least there was some class about him. I’m caring way too much about this right now :)

          • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

            Sinatra? Notably flippant about his demons, he was alleged to be quite the violent misogynist. What was acceptable then would be seen as atrocious behaviour now. Give me dopey Pattinson any day of the week.

          • http://twitter.com/diarmy Diarmaid O Connor

            right… this wasps nest I seem to have kicked is starting to bite me now… #retreat

          • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

            White flags ahoy!

  • Val 5.

    I understand your point of view, even being Rob’s fan  I wondered several times if this whole “Robsten” was fake ….. but pretend to be in love with someone for years , put his personal  and love life on stand by for years for the sake of a crappy saga … and if KStew made all this public  make-out on purpose with this  dude  (yes, they throw strange  glances  right to the camera), but the risk of destroying a family for that? I do not know what to think …sorry for my english

    • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

      Agreed. It’s incredibly odd. It’s a stretch to think that the whole thing could be a ruse, but at the same time, this story’s got more holes in it than a pair of fishnets.

  • http://twitter.com/kevmclean Matches Malone

    I love the way it’s always described as a ‘momentary’ indescretion. This makes me feel amazing as I can last longer than a moment.

  • http://twitter.com/TomMcCarthyCork Tom McCarthy

    I have to agree with Brian Fitzgerald’s sentiments. Also, I suspect a ruse as mentioned by another commenter. What big films are the on/off couple announcing in the next few months?!

  • http://twitter.com/lindacooganB Linda Coogan Byrne

    well written and said! Everyones dissing her and nowt being said on the ‘married man’ who actually is more stupid than she is. And it was never publicly declared that she was in a relationship with RP. Either way WGAS.

  • Jennifer_McShane

    Despite her “influential pop culture” type status, I could care less about her. She does herself no favours with her lack of acting abilities and personality of a piece of wood, but I do feel sorry for Rob and the director’s family. Kissing a married man in broad daylight in LA? She knew well what she was doing. The grovelling excuse for an apology makes me cringe, I think I’d have respected her silence more.

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