Sweary’s Jaw: Kristen Stewart Apologised? Whatever For?
I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected.
This momentary indiscretion has jeopardised the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.
So reads actress Kristen Stewart’s public apology to her alleged boyfriend, actor and fellow Twilight casualty Robert Pattinson. Caught in the act with her lips plastered to those of her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, the usually sullen Stewart retreated to the last refuge of the guilty – the grovelling plea for forgiveness.
Heartfelt? Maybe. We are talking about the current highest earning actress in the world, even if she seems to miss the point of her craft more often than she nails it. Cynical? Perhaps. Stewart is proud owner of the most irritating persona in Hollywood, courting publicity with pointed statements about how she can’t stand publicity. Valid? Certainly not. Whatever you think of Kristen Stewart’s acting, facade or magnificently derpy camera face, she had absolutely no reason to publicly apologise for kissing someone she didn’t have a previously documented romantic relationship with.
Some may suggest that because Sanders is married, Stewart is right to apologise for her home-wreckin’ tendencies. Except, of course, she isn’t. Stewart isn’t married, and has no more a moral obligation to Sanders’ wife and family than she does to the Brady Bunch. Whether Sanders’ wandering tongue is a no-no is entirely up to himself and his wife, and for a legally-binding contract, marriage is a very personal thing. Perhaps Sanders has a lot to apologise for. Perhaps what he’s done is inexcusable. It depends greatly on what his wife believes is a rule-breaker, and none of us get to have a say in that. Pontificating about what we believe constitutes a valid marriage is, of course, a communal hobby amongst fans of gossip pages and column inches, and you’ll see plenty of empty debate about whether Sanders crossed a line in enjoying an obnoxious public shift with his leading actress. The fact remains that what happens Chez Sanders is no stranger’s concern.
Neither is what happens in Stewart’s mind, mouth or pants. The fact that she’s now come out to humbly apologise for her indiscretion is both suspicious and disheartening.
Suspicious, because publicly stating any kind of romantic interest in Pattinson has been anathema to Stewart, or at least to the leaden part of her she brings to social engagements. The ‘Are they? Aren’t they?’ slant of the great Stewart/Pattinson association has been going on for years, ever since the hormonal extravaganza of the Twilight movies soldered them into one another’s arms. Bella and Edward are a couple and so too must be Kristen and Robert. It’s not been a consistently convincing journey, but wrapping it up in a kind of cute tease has helped alleviate suspicion that neither actor has more than a smidge of sexual interest in the other. Both on-screen and on the awards stage, Pattinson and Stewart have fizzled with the chemistry of dew on a matchstick.
More than once Stewart has been painted as the villain of the piece. She’s the ungrateful one, the ‘obvious’ gay, the rude bitch whose bolshie front could never fully mask her lack of talent. Pattinson, on the other hand, is the handsome, dishevelled victim, a disarmingly honest Adonis who wears his heart on his sleeve and his hair in a bird’s nest. Is it surprising, then, that Stewart’s been the first to slip up? And in such a blatant manner, too; kissing a married man in full view of the hive of LA busybodies.
In a teenager, you’d assume such wilful carry-on was an invitation to be found out. In an adult, it seems practically contrived.
And what’s disheartening about this whole public apology thing is something a little bigger than the romantic misadventures of the kids we’ve miscast as this generation’s Bogie and Bacall. Demanding Kristen Stewart play the heartless bitch is nothing new, but carving out her role as a fallen women, the depths she must descend to and, perhaps, her glorious redemption at the gentle touch of her handsome saviour is a twist to the tale no one needs. Kristen Stewart owes her fans nothing – she’s giving them enough as it is – so why must she placate the public’s appetite for fairytale romance… or hussies in need of salvation?