On The Rampage: Not Model Behaviour
Saturday night, Dublin town. A regular inner city night club. Some people are drunk, some are dancing, most are both. Suddenly, a camera emerges from the depths of girl’s handbag and the whole scene freezes. The mood has instantly changed. Girls swarm to the camera like moths to a flame, transforming a regular night club into a photo shoot, part Hello magazine, part Nutz.
First, the group shot as a warm up. The girls preen, pout and pose for the camera with a determined air. This is in stark contrast with the message they want to convey: ‘hey, we’re just some casual girls out having fun, whatever!’ Next come the sexy pairs. The poses move deftly from smiling and laughing (‘we’re just the of best pals’) to sexy pouting (‘stay tuned boys, we might start kissing in a minute’). The photographer, not to be left out, might turn the camera on herself for the sexy selfie. The next set are to prove that, although the subjects might be hot, they can be kooky too! Tongues are stuck out, heads are thrown back in raucous laughter (‘we’re so crazy!’). Nothing has ever been that funny. Ever. Then they might finish up with some prop shots – the boys! The male counterparts look suitable uncomfortable as the girls drape themselves over and around them. The message is clear: it’s not just us, there are others who appreciate our hotness, honest!
Are you familiar with this scene? On any given night out, this is becoming an all too familiar set-up. The extraordinary thing is the sheer duration of these impromptu fashion shoots. Have we finally moved on to a stage in human existence where it’s more important to impress ‘friends’ online than actual people who can see as you unashamedly pose for the camera? For a really, really long time?
What’s the motivation for these gratifying acts of self-worship? Is it to show ex-boyfriends what a good time you’re having? If someone needs to resort to this level of behaviour to get a boy’s attention then… well, I hate to be the one to say it, but he probably doesn’t care any more. Or is it about proving to old school friends just how good a time you’re having? Well ladies, people can see through those shots like Lady Gaga’s underwear. If you’re intent on getting sexy pictures of yourself online, they subtly is the key.
Try following these three simple guidelines:
1. It can’t be your own photo. Repeat, do NOT post a sexy photo of yourself online. Seriously not cool. Ideally, the photo would be posted by someone once removed from your inner circle, and not just your best friend/sister posting these shots on your behalf.
2. Do not put up the entire series, lest everyone see just how many shots were needed until you finally got the proper cross between sexy pout/rabbit in the headlights.
3. The shot should be spontaneous. I fear suggesting this because it’s difficult enough seeing gaggles of girls out for the night, pouting and posing, without now seeing a trend of attempting faux ‘off-the-cuff’ shots. Though I’m perhaps overestimating the reach of this article.
So please ladies, put down the cameras, stop living an idealised version of your life online and start enjoying your nights out for what they really are – drunken fumbles and stumbles in a dark room playing loud music, with the hope of meeting a prince but more than likely just kissing a few frogs. And no one wants or needs photo evidence of that.
Deirdre Mc Mahon is an aspiring writer from Dublin. She hates it when people skip queues and enjoys dressing her dogs up as bees. She has the photos to prove it.