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On The Rampage: Madge, Put Some Clothes On, I Can’t Concentrate…

Posted August 1, 2012 by Sue Murphy in Ramp Specials
U.S. pop singer Madonna performs during a concert for her MDNA world tour at the Stade de France Stadium in Saint-Denis, near Paris

… and not for the right reasons.

Musical icon? Yes, she was. Director? Never. Here is the list of reasons that Madonna makes me want to book a flight, go to the airport, drive to her house, knock on her front door, slap her on the face and scream ‘DO SOME KNITTING!’


Reason 1: Her age

Isn’t she amazing? Look at her there, 53 years of age shimmying around like she’s 21.

Frankly, no she’s not. She’s old.

In no way do I mean to say that if you’re over 50 you can’t dance or dress like a 21 year old. If that’s your choice in life and you’re not harming anyone, why would I have a problem? Madonna, on the other hand, has reached such a stage of complete delusion that she still thinks that she is musically relevant. Listen up, Madge. You’re paying these producers far too much money for them to refuse working with you but that doesn’t mean that in the real world you’d ever manage to hang out with Justin Timberlake.

This is not an endorsement of negative societal norms. I have a deep respect for people who continue to work well into their later years, like Maggie Smith, but then again Smith isn’t pushing her vagina in my face (her old vagina) every opportunity she gets. Is there not something that is incredibly uncomfortable about a woman of Madonna’s age and status being overtly sexual? Not sexy. Vagina-in-your-face, overtly sexual.

Reason 2: She’s a ridiculously bad role model

I can appreciate ’80s Madonna. In fact, ’80s Madonna was a cultural icon who pushed the boundaries of depictions of women in the public eye and their relation to religion. But her status as a role model for younger girls revolves around a bigger problem of the loss of childhood and innocence in this world. Honestly, what happened to children? Where have they gone? I was playing hopscotch at 13, Madonna’s daughter Lourdes was picking out designer labels. How has it become acceptable for pop ‘icons’ like Madonna, Rihanna and Nicky Minaj to saunter around in less than nothing and be positive role models for young girls?

Responsibility does not just lie with parents; it lies within society itself and it is not acceptable that younger children are so sexualized by the time they are 13. They are still children.

Regardless of whether Madonna bans her children from television or not, she still takes to the stage promoting sex. She’s a mother! Is that right?

Reason 3: Her cheap publicity stunts

LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! Damn, no one’s looking. Put a swastika on something.

Madonna used to stand for something, some sort of liberation. Now she’s just looking for cheap tricks to get into newspapers, whether it be sticking swastika on France’s Front National party leader’s face, criticizing fellow artists publicly on stage or attempting to adopt half of the Third World. Has anyone ever informed her that you can get places solely with talent? Adele seems to be doing quite alright just singing. Oh dear I forgot; Madonna can’t really sing.

Reason 4: She is NOT a director

I’m the fucking Queen of Sheba. See? It still doesn’t make it bloody true. It wounds me to even entertain this idea. Hitchcock weeps in his grave.

Reason 5: She is NOT an original

Despite the fact that Madonna constantly criticizes those who have clearly drawn quite extensively on her career, she is no innocent herself. Massively influenced by Debbie Harry and in part, by Marilyn Monroe, Madonna is hardly the original she claims to be.

Reason 6: Her accent

Madonna was born in Bay City, Michigan. Not London. There is no justifying the English lilt in her accent. I really couldn’t give a toss if she was married to a British director and I definitely did not receive the memo that stated once you marry someone you must adopt their accent. So bloody infuriating.

Reason 7: I’m sorry, but who the ACTUAL fuck does she think she is?

‘Never bite the hand that feeds you’: Madonna has not taken this nugget of wisdom on board. Booed off stage recently in Paris for turning up an hour and a half late and leaving after fifty minutes, her Madjesty clearly reckons she is holier than thou. However, this attitude cannot fly for very long. Her disgusting treatment of fans on Graham Norton and her sickening ‘I’m too good to be here’ attitude made me physically sick to my stomach. She is not THE Madonna; she is just Madonna, overrated and not very talented.

Reason 8: She’s a succubus

Madonna, leave Guy Ritchie alone. Or any other potentially talented men you may come across.


It is completely incomprehensible how this woman has managed to reach this level of fame over the years. Is it her music? Hardly. She’s not very talented. In fact, Madonna doesn’t exist to me after Ray of Light. It is most certainly not her ‘directorial career’. Kathryn Bigelow is a director, Madonna, the ridiculously overpaid twat, is not a director. Michael Bay? Better director than Madonna. It’s not her ‘looks’, her influence, her ‘charity work’… Why do people continue to keep this woman in the lifestyle to which she has now become accustomed?

Madonna is everything that is wrong with modern female empowerment. Before anyone pleads the sexist argument, there is no physical evidence of Bruce Springsteen in a tight-fitting leotard. He doesn’t need to. He can sing.

About the Author

Sue Murphy

  • Joe McManus

    You’re totally wrong. W.E. showed that Madonna’s political and aesthetic judgement is right up there with Leni Riefenstahl and D.W. Griffith. 

  • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

    Fancy a counter argument? Here’s one


    Reason 1. Her age


    Madonna’s age has nothing to do with
    anything. She works hard to maintain her appearance, which of course is anathema
    to a world which still thinks a woman’s worth seeps out of her once her
    ovaries pack in. Being overtly sexual at any age is arguably the issue – why it’s
    somehow more distasteful for Madonna to do so because she’s in her fifties
    reflects more on society’s disdain for older women than it does on Madge


    The assertion that it’s ok for Maggie
    Smith to work because she keeps her vagina hidden away is confusing. Do you
    mean that Maggie doesn’t go around reminding people of sex, which is strictly a
    role for young, impressionable women who are potentially moldable? Since when
    has Madge waved her vadge in anyone’s face?


    Gyrating provocatively looks a bit
    desperate in most people, whatever age they are. But it’s been Madge’s shtick for
    years. Why should she retire that now because we’ve decided older woman have no
    right to be sexual? Eh, they do.


    I would also wager that Madonna would get
    to hang out with Justin Timberlake whether or not she pays him to do so. She’s
    a pop legend and the likes of Timberlake have the utmost respect for that, as
    they are hoping to emulate that career path and endure as she has.


    Reason 2. She’s a ridiculously bad role model.


    Well, yeah, it’s very bad for girls to see
    an older woman attacked with real vitriol every time she tries something new.


    The fact that kids are sexualised so young
    is an incredibly depressing product of our times and I agree that parents can’t
    operate outside of society – we need to re-evaluate our mores and the way we
    look at female sexuality.


    Tying sexual validity purely to youth is
    as dangerous as demanding all women cover their ankles. Saying that women have
    an extra responsibility to other people’s kids once they become mothers is
    ridiculous and ties in more with the problem than the solution. Have a go at
    the male gaze, have a go at the darker legacy of organised religion, have a go
    at the commoditisation of sex, but don’t have a go at the mothers.


    Mothers are no more bound by decorum than
    anyone else.


    Also, let’s not assume Lourdes Leon is
    less of a child than any other because of an assumption about her lifestyle.
    Picking out designer labels doesn’t mean she didn’t jump all over the furniture
    in them afterwards.


    Reason 3: Her cheap publicity stunts.


    This is valid. These days, Madonna seems
    to miss the target more often than she successfully blasts through it. Adele
    doesn’t do the same because she’s not the same kind of artist. There are many
    who think Adele is a boring lounge singer and equally, the argument that she
    should start throwing conical bras on and painting swastikas on far right
    politicians would be invalid and unfair.


    Reason 4: She is NOT a director.


    She is. She’s just a horrifically bad one.
    Hey, at least she tried; she had the money and the influence to give it a go.
    Rather like Cecilia Ahern, and if us writers can put up with her even when we’d rather not, film folk are
    just going to have to put up with… W.E.


    Reason 4. She is NOT an original.


    Like J.K. Rowling, Madonna took existing
    ideas, tropes and trends and successfully (über-successfully) mashed them into
    a pop cultural phenomenon. In that regard she is to be applauded. Who’s an
    original these days, anyway? I can’t move for exciting new bands that my older
    friends disdainfully call out for taking off some obscure ‘70s act.


    Reason 6. Her accent


    Is she still using that? I’ve seen two
    interviews from the start of the year and she was using her own American accent
    in both. Having said that, the British thing was… very confounding. I guess
    this is what happens when you’re surrounded by yes men.


    Reason 7: I’m sorry, but who the ACTUAL
    fuck does she think she is?


    Being booed off stage is a slap in the
    face and richly deserved when artists take the piss out of their fans. Madge
    isn’t the first nor the last to turn up late and leave early, but yes, she
    deserves the flack for it. Nina Simone used to do it all the time, apparently.
    Because she could.


    I thought she was hilarious on Graham


    Reason 8: She’s a succubus.


    What? Madonna is to blame for mating with
    mortals in their sleep and killing them off? Guy Ritchie? Who she split with
    five years ago? Are we blaming Madonna for Guy Ritchie being shit? I don’t…


    The whole confident-women-ruining-innocent-menfolk
    thing is as old as the hills. It’s way, way older than Madonna.



    Madonna is talented. She’s stupidly
    talented. She’s a whip smart, hardworking, endlessly ambitious woman who is
    more than capable of singing. Sure, she’s not Montserrat Caballe, but nor is
    she Paris Hilton. That’s why she’s still famous. And as for the sexist thing?
    Apples and oranges. Bruce Springsteen isn’t being overtly sexual, but Mick
    Jagger is. And he’s no Luciano Pavarotti.

    • Joe McManus

      She was appalling on Graham Norton. Charmless, humorless, graceless. If I hadn’t been knocking one out at the time I’d have run out into the street and shouted.

      • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

        Ha, you’re on fire today McManus.

        Anyway, I thought you said you were with a Francoist dwarf that evening?

        • Joe McManus

          If I had been I wouldn’t have needed to knock one out, would I?

  • Tara

    Some excellent points in both arguments! My personal opinion is that it IS solely down to the parents of young girls to inform and educate them to not dress or act like hussies. When I was 15, I dressed up in a ridiculously revealing outfit for a party and my dad looked at me with pity and said “you’ll never get any respect dressed like that” and I never did it again. The way I see it is, Happy Meals are aimed at children too but I don’t blame McDonald’s for the childhood obesity epidemic; I blame the parents buying their kids these Happy Meals. Rihanna and co’s fanbase may be mostly made up of young girls but if you raise your children to value their mind and respect themselves, they won’t feel the need to dress and act like utter hooers. 

    • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

      I guess it all has to work within the parameters of society, though. For some kids, the act of rebelling is more important than the outfit itself, and if Rihanna/Madge/Nicki gets so much success from dressing provocatively, then clearly the poor parents just don’t understand fashion these days.

    • Oul’ Sphynxy

      Re McDonald’s and junkfood in general, I wouldn’t be so quick to just blame the parents for feeding their kids chips and processed meat instead of organic couscous and hand-raised pheasant. Especially if the parents don’t have much money. Junkfood, esp. McDonald’s, is both cheap (read, affordable) and extremely aggressively marketed (morkeshed?), so there you have it. 

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