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Sure would you not have a small bit?

 

Go Fork Yourself: The McGangBang

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Posted June 20, 2012 by Martyn Rosney in Lifestyle

No it’s not a typo. No, it’s not just a burger. It’s an abomination. An abomination of awesomeness!

During my childhood years I always enjoyed a takeaway. By “enjoyed” I think I actually mean “devoured”. Thankfully, during my awkward teenage years I stretched out and had one of those summers where I went from being a shortish kid with a pudgy baby fat face to the 6 foot tall golden god I am today. I’m straying here, but I think you needed a little background to set you up for “The McGangBang”. I also wanted to show off my weight-loss like those skinny people who walk around in their old fat pants saying things like, “Thanks to X diet, I lost 50 pounds!” before stretching out their old fat pants with their thumb to show their tremendous weight loss.

So one day on one of those random internet trawls I came across the McGangBang. I was transfixed. Webster’s dictionary defines a gangbang as, “copulation by several persons in succession with the same passive partner”. That’s exactly what the McGangBang is. The “people” involved are the layers of bread, the beef patties, the chicken burger, the pickles, the cheese and the dirtiest of all the players: the lettuce. The passive partner is you.

The McGangBang is so easy to make and this is part of the charm. It’s a McChicken Sandwich stuffed (against its will) into the middle of a Double Cheeseburger. Total cost: €6. Available: In every McDonalds, ever. While not speaking from personal experience, I think it is fair to say that a McGangBang is a lot easier to organise than an actual gangbang. Just think about liaising with all the participants, vetting them, making sure they weren’t that creepy, organising a venue and then the act itself.

I often fantasised about popping my McGangBang cherry. Everytime I was going to do it I “chicken”-ed out at the last minute. Afraid of what people might say, who might see me doing it and even if my body could handle it. Then, one fateful evening on a trip home from Dublin to Killarney… I did it. I had to do it in a place where I wasn’t known, just to be safe. My co-pilot on the trip (who asked not to be named but agreed to a pseudonym. Let’s call her R. Fuller. No that’s too obvious. Let’s say Rosie F.) joined me in the McGangBang. Limerick was the venue. We were nervous. We debated eating it in the McDonalds as no one would know us there, but our nerves got the better of us and we bottled it and got a Drive-Thru.

Being gluttonous, I ordered my Double Cheeseburger and my McChicken Sandwich but also got McNuggets, Large Fries and a Coke. Oh, and a bottle of water to make me healthy. I have laid out how you too can have a McGangBang via the following steps.

 Step 1: Make the order

Step 2: Separate the Double Cheeseburger and carefully insert the McChicken Sandwich.

Step 3: Lovingly hold the McGangBang in your hands, but let it know who is the boss by borrowing the classic line from 300: “This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this.”

Step 4: EAT

Step 5: Savour the moment. Taste the exotically erotic mix of Chicken and Beef.

The best way to sum up the McGangBang is this: it’s like having a threesome with two ugly people. At the time you’re like, “Yeah this is awesome, threesome wooooo!” But then afterwards you feel a little sick and wonder what you have just done. Having said that, just like a threesome, the McGangBang is something that everyone should try once.


About the Author

Martyn Rosney

Rosney by name, Rosney by nature.

  • http://twitter.com/ElleEmSee Laura C

    Good God. This is…this is inspired

  • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

    I am a vegetarian and I am frightened by this. It makes my tummy rubberneck.

    • Astanley

       I am a vegetarian but am oddly drawn to this…

  • http://twitter.com/Fearganainim Fearganainim

    Quick! Someone call Morgan Spurlock!!

  • http://twitter.com/martynrosney Martyn Rosney

    What can I eat next? How about an Abrakeblorgy? I just invented it there. It will be a doner kebab with a taco fries and the meat from the chicken wings inside it. Abrakelicious. 

  • Tara

    I thought stuffing limited edition cheese bites into my filet-o-fish was adventurous but this… This I gotta try.

  • http://twitter.com/Nerin_ Neil

    Sir,

    Me. You. Fast Food Lasagne.
    Make it so.

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