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Music: Overachieving Celebrities The Same Age As Your Favourite Song

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Posted January 28, 2013 by Lisa McInerney in Music

We know to be contemptuous of celebrities, not because we’re jealous bastards, but as a defence mechanism. There’s nothing quite as destabilising as being clattered by the realisation that there are living people who are rich, good-looking, successful and iconic, and that they achieved all four before being grown-up enough to get a decent rate on their car insurance. Here are some examples, brought into stark contrast with your piddling existence by our utilising iconic songs from the years they were born. Pretty much because it’s Monday and we hate you.

 

Emma Stone…

Everyone’s favourite Hollywood actress and the star of The Help and Crazy, Stupid, Love is so admired because she’s very sharp, very funny and very unwilling to take herself seriously. She’s made 15 films, won 16 awards, is shacked up with Andrew Garfield and is turning her hand next to producing. You can’t see Emma Stone for dust, man.

… is the same age as U2’s ‘Angel Of Harlem’.

 

Rory McIlroy…

Northern Ireland’s own Rory is golf’s current World Number 1. That is all.

… is the same age as The Stone Roses’ ‘I Am The Resurrection’.

 

Jennifer Lawrence…

Nominated for Best Actress at the 83rd Academy Awards for her brilliant turn in 2010’s Winter’s Bone, Jennifer Lawrence is one of Hollywood’s most bankable young stars. She played Mystique in X-Men: First Class, Katniss in The Hunger Games, and has been nominated for Best Actress for the second time for Silver Linings Playbook. Also she’s very nice.

… is the same age as MC Hammer’s ‘U Can’t Touch This’.

 

Dev Patel…

Dev Patel had no acting experience, but that didn’t stop him starring in Skins in a part specifically written for him. He made a habit of that, as he was headhunted for the role of Jamal in the phenomenally successful Slumdog Millionaire. More recently, taekwon-do black-belt Dev has been in Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom and gorgeous actress Freida Pinto. Um. Sorry. We mean he’s in a relationship with gorgeous actress Freida Pinto.

… is the same age as Sinead O’ Connor’s ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’.

 

Adele…

Adele’s debut album, 19, went four times platinum and won her two Grammys. Not content with that, she released a follow-up, 21, which went sixteen-times platinum and won her six Grammys. At this rate, Adele’s third album will go a googol-times platinum and win her presidency of the United Nations.

… is the same age as INXS’s ‘Need You Tonight’.

 

Jack Gleeson…

Getting his break in a small film called Batman Begins, our own Jack Gleeson is often cited by TV fans as the most slappable little fucker of all time, due entirely to his role as Joffrey in the phenomenon that is Game Of Thrones. Sometimes, it’s possible to act too well, Jack.

… is the same age as REM’s ‘Everybody Hurts’.

 

Saoirse Ronan…

The star of Atonement, Hanna and The Lovely Bones is living proof that coming from Carlow is not the dead weight most of the rest of us think it is. Ronan was in talks for a role in The Hobbit too, but turned it down because she thought it’d take up too much of her time. Bad. Ass.

… is the same age as Blur’s ‘Girls and Boys’.

 

Ellen Page…

She terrified us in Hard Candy, annoyed/enchanted us in Juno, and was called a ‘bitch’ by Vinne Jones in X-Men 3. When she’s not campaigning for the end of Burma’s military dictatorship and getting nominated for Academy Awards, she’s an outspoken feminist who’s into juggling. Can you juggle? Ellen Page can.

… is the same age as Kylie Minogue’s ‘I Should Be So Lucky’.

 

Rihanna…

Rihanna has released seven studio albums since 2005. That is all.

… is the same age as Womack & Womack’s ‘Teardrops’.

 

Lena Dunham…

Lena Dunham wrote, directed and starred in independent movie Tiny Furniture, which garnered her enough positive attention to write and star in HBO hit comedy-drama Girls. She’s just signed a $3.5m deal with Random House to publish a collection of essays. Fucking essays!

… is the same age as Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’.

 

Jedward…

Since bursting onto the stage and wrecking Simon Cowell’s head for the cameras in the 2009 X-Factor, John and Edward Grimes have released three albums, represented Ireland twice at the Eurovision, and befriended and bewildered the Obamas. Nice work, if you have the irrepressible energy for it.

… are the same age as Red Hot Chili Pepper’s ‘Under The Bridge’.

 

And just to really tick you off…

Quvenzhané Wallis…

Quvenzhané Wallis is the youngest ever nominee for the Academy Award for Best Actress, due to her brilliant performance in Beasts Of The Southern Wild.

… is the same age as Beyoncé’s Crazy In Love.

 


About the Author

Lisa McInerney

Lisa’s soul is so damn sensitive, she has to invent and occupy parallel universes just to spread herself evenly. This is also known as being a frustrated novelist.

  • Sinéad

    Adele was the one that killed me. INXS? Nooooo.

    • http://www.ramp.ie/ Lisa McInerney

      Stupid overachieving Adele! She’d really want to calm the fuck down, rightly.

  • http://twitter.com/powertara Tara Power

    Oh GOD, Lisa!!! What an awful start to the week! This really puts my career choice into perspective..

    • http://www.ramp.ie/ Lisa McInerney

      Yeah. I can only apologise, Tara. I was feeling very cantankerous when I wrote this.

      The only solution is for us all to have prodigious babies.

      • http://twitter.com/powertara Tara Power

        In your defence, the feature image is fantastic

  • http://twitter.com/ElleEmSee Laura

    Well I feel like a crap bastard now. Gee. THANKS LISA.

  • http://twitter.com/nuckpang Stephen R.

    For God’s sake, it’s one in the afternoon and I’ve barely conquered breakfast, never mind becoming rich and famous! Damn it, McInerney…

  • Will

    Based on your responses I heartily recommend you avoid googling celebrities that are the same age as you. Yours and their lives have been moving in parallel and they have entire True Hollywood Stories under their belts by the time we have done the Junior Certificate. A real case of the Neville Longbottoms!

    • Will Fitzgerald

      Truth. Curse you Lena Dunham and your non-wasted twenty-six years!

  • http://twitter.com/Sarklor Ciaran O’Brien

    I’m so glad my favourite songs are a decade older than me…

  • http://twitter.com/Fearganainim Fearganainim

    Anyone notice how Jennifer Lawrence looks more and more like Reneé Zellwegger every day?

    • http://www.ramp.ie/ Lisa McInerney

      *horrified gasp*

      Jennifer Lawrence is BEAUTIFUL.

      Renée is… more… character… unusual… erh…

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