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Ramp Randoms: Our Predictions for 2013

Posted January 7, 2013 by Ramp.ie in Lifestyle
fortune teller

Ramp.ie is back, and collectively blinking in the blinding light of a brand new year. Delighted? We are. And we did more during our Christmas break than chow down empty calories and throw shapes at house parties; our columnists and section eds have put their heads together to come up with a few totally watertight predictions for their respective spheres in 2013. Bookmark this so you can heartily congratulate us on our foresight come next Christmas.



Mark Matanes

2013 promises to bring a scope of even more intrinsically titillating records and genre-spanning choons. The rising tidal wave of psychedelic, ‘60s nod, revivalist guitar-driven rock n’ roll will be dotted with surfers atop boards labeled ‘Electro’, ‘Hip-Hop’ and ‘Noir Pop’. This operatic variance in frontline belters will see record after record crash upon our ears and pull utterances of praise forward. No longer are we, as listeners, content with the one trick sonic ponies of the pop era. Now more than ever we crave the experiential shift in mood created by the true artiste as they weave melodies through stylings in a knit one, purl two manner. 2013 will also be the year of The Sophomore as we see follow-up studio efforts from debutants that we fell in love with in 2012. If 2012 was the year of ‘The Awesome Wave’, expect 2013 to be the year of ‘The Surfer’.

Here’s two to watch out for in January.


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Both are returning for new live/studio records that will get hipsters saying the dreaded words ‘Oh [insert band]? I prefer their earlier stuff’. #bullshit



Will O’Keeffe

Daniel Day Lewis will win an Oscar for his role as Abraham Lincoln in well, Lincoln. If he doesn’t, someone else will an Oscar for a role in another movie.

Pictured: dedication to craft, make-up.

Meanwhile, Thor, Captain Kirk, Superman and Iron Man will do battle to be crowned king of the summer blockbuster. Jennifer Lawrence will beat them all into submission with a Hunger Games-shaped stick.



Seán Earley

Cupcakes are dead. Seriously, please stop trying to peddle your red velvet, icing-laden fancies. We are genuinely surprised to see so many cupcake businesses still open; sadly, only a handful will survive unless they branch out.

Historical relics have never been so tasty

Only a week into 2013 and a new Mexican eatery has opened on Dawson St – Tuzo. More Mexican places will open this year. If somewhere opens that delivers, they will have a massive advantage.

Popcorn is the snack food of 2013. Not just your standard boring old popcorn, but gourmet, fancified popcorn. Already doing it last year, JD’s Popcorn, didn’t quite have the market penetration that it had desired and have closed shop for now. In the US you can’t move for all the Garrett‘s locations serving the tastiest variations on the classic salted treat. Combining salty and sweet but also including Jalapeno, Smoky Cheese and so many other savoury delights, it’s really only a matter of time. In fact the Swan cinema in Rathmines already have popcorn seasoning at their tills to allow punters to experiment.

Will O’Keeffe

The numbers of Irish artisan food producers will continue to grow, with hopefully healthy results for our export market and the reputation of our produce.

The discerning food shopper will turn more and more to online shopping. SuperValu has become the first Irish supermarket chain to develop an app.

With more and more food intolerances emerging, the vegetable will come to the fore and new perspectives will emerge on how to cook and appreciate them. Jamie Oliver’s next book, come Autumn 2013, may play a big part in this.


Comic Books

Will Fitzgerald

The biggest impact comics will have in 2013 will be outside of the funny pages themselves. Once again, comic book movies will dominate the box office: Man of Steel, Iron Man 3, Thor 2, Kick Ass 2 etc. etc. etc. And if Joss Whedon’s S.H.I.E.L.D. pilot is done in time for the autumn TV schedule, it will win at television.

Meanwhile, in the comics themselves, Image Comics will continue from strength to strength as comics’ best writers are turning to more creator-owned work. Marvel Comics will continue along the successful long term strategies they seem to have planned for themselves, while DC comics will employ further desperate attempts to convince us that their ‘New 52′ reboot is cool, even though, with the exception of a few books, it sucks and everyone hates it.

Like, not only did they steal her clothes, but they broke Starfire's spine. The bastards.


Ru Hickson

Less a Mayan apocalypse, more a minor apocryphal blip, we should nevertheless embrace the future (we’re in the future right now. And right now too! AND RIGHT N-) with much frenzied joy, spit out that cyanide capsule, dig our claws into our thighs and brace ourselves for another year of scientific innovation, genius-milking and some totally sweet sci-fi blockbusters.

First off, we’re only a week into 2013 (2+0+1=3: Half-Life 3?) and the most isolated laboratory any side of McMurdo, the Mars Curiosity Rover, appears to have found a fossilised flower on the surface of the red planet. Almost definite proof of life on other planets, or a jumped-up, expensive hoax à la S.R. Hadden in contact? Or just a fabulous misread, like the oops-not-actually-faster-than-light-neutrinos seen at CERN in September 2011?

See? In the lower left. Maybe it's tinfoil, we don't know.

In nearly-as-exciting news, it would appear that a temperature below absolute zero, a condition not currently possible according to our current understanding of Physics, has been achieved in Munich. But hey, with the 99%-certain discovery of the Higgs boson, it’s the era for breaking the fundamental rules on which we’ve built our world.

But that enough interesting/boring shit for now, so let’s leave you with some odds as to what the next year holds for us. Geronimo!

2/1 – Another record hot summer due to global warming.

3/1 – Likelihood of finding that missing Higgs boson in the pocket of a coat you haven’t worn in ages

7/2 – Pacific Rim will be totally awesome.

20/1 – Felix Baumgartner will jump from an even greater height than he did in October

400/1 – Forest discovered on Mars

450/1 – James Cameron to be first human on Mars

1000/1 – Gears Of War 4 will be worth buying if you already have GOW3

5000/1 – Aliens make contact, find out we’re boring, leave us alone



Colm O’Brien
There’s a lot to get excited about in 2013, games-wise. As usual there are plenty of big-name sequels lined up (like Dead Space 3StarCraft II: Heart of the SwarmSplinter Cell: Blacklist or the magnificently named Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance), as well as reboots (DmC: Devil May CryTomb Raider) and some killer new IPs (FuseThe Last of UsWatch Dogs). Cult favourites Amnesia and Metro 2033 are also getting sequelised (though in Metro‘s case, the flailing fortunes of publisher THQ could be a spanner in the works). Prospects are as thrillingly varied as ever on the indie games front, with quirky heist-a-thon Monaco, the frenetic Guacamelee! and thoughtful sci-fi drama Richard and Alice being among the early stand-outs.
On the hardware front, it’s rumoured that late 2013 will see the release of new consoles from Sony and Microsoft. Details are scant, but it seems high time that some new hardware hit the market, especially given the recent release of Nintendo’s next-gen Wii U. Boxer8′s dinky Android-based Ouya console is slated for an April release, and if they deliver on their promises (not least the $99 price point) it could turn out to be a most excellent piece of kit, and a great investment for the aspiring game designer.
Valve Corporation engineer Ben Krasnow has confirmed that the company will be officially showcasing a Linux-based console, the so-called ‘Steam Box’, sometime this year. Whether that means finished hardware will ship before 2014 is anyone’s guess, and of course standard Valve Time caveats apply. Obviously the ideal launch title would be Half-Life 3 though, right? Right?


Other hot tips: excessive DRM continues to be of no benefit to anyone ever; die-hard fans of [game series] express outrage at rumours of [possible feature] and changes to [plot that never make sense anyway]; worldwide colon shortage as games gain increasingly elaborate subtitles; Half-Life 3 oh please God Half-Life 3.


Stephen Rooney
You know what 2013 is going to be in Irish politics? Boring. The most we can look forward to is someone from Fine Gael saying something unimaginably Catholic about abortion, before the party whip has a quiet word, robbing us of anything juicy. There’ll still be the occasional flare up over nothing but, like all the best TV, if you want drama, it’ll have to be imported from the USA.

And this was during a victory speech. ©2011 William Murphy


About the Author


  • Sinéad

    We really should get a branded crystal ball.

    • http://twitter.com/Sarklor Ciaran O’Brien

      Ooh, and we could dress one of the editors up and do a Mystic Meg/Agony aunt section!

      • http://www.ramp.ie/ Lisa McInerney

        I nominate Sinéad.

        Also I fully accept the branded crystal ball is dead naff.

        • Sinéad

          I would be an amazing astrologist.

          Capricorns, your birth month is a time of new beginnings for many. Try not to be offended when nobody shows up to your birthday. They will spend the next six weeks getting rid of the negative elements in their lives. When they realise that you’re actually way more appealing than the gym, and make them sweat at least 30% less, they’ll come crawling back (crawling being all their rowing machine-ravaged bodies are able for, the poor misguided bastards). Spend this free time practising your origami skills and eating bacon fries to get in tune with your future, alone self. Remember: destiny drives a Ford Puma and is six feet tall. Hilar.

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