Ramp Randoms: Our Predictions for 2013
Ramp.ie is back, and collectively blinking in the blinding light of a brand new year. Delighted? We are. And we did more during our Christmas break than chow down empty calories and throw shapes at house parties; our columnists and section eds have put their heads together to come up with a few totally watertight predictions for their respective spheres in 2013. Bookmark this so you can heartily congratulate us on our foresight come next Christmas.
2013 promises to bring a scope of even more intrinsically titillating records and genre-spanning choons. The rising tidal wave of psychedelic, ‘60s nod, revivalist guitar-driven rock n’ roll will be dotted with surfers atop boards labeled ‘Electro’, ‘Hip-Hop’ and ‘Noir Pop’. This operatic variance in frontline belters will see record after record crash upon our ears and pull utterances of praise forward. No longer are we, as listeners, content with the one trick sonic ponies of the pop era. Now more than ever we crave the experiential shift in mood created by the true artiste as they weave melodies through stylings in a knit one, purl two manner. 2013 will also be the year of The Sophomore as we see follow-up studio efforts from debutants that we fell in love with in 2012. If 2012 was the year of ‘The Awesome Wave’, expect 2013 to be the year of ‘The Surfer’.
Here’s two to watch out for in January.
Both are returning for new live/studio records that will get hipsters saying the dreaded words ‘Oh [insert band]? I prefer their earlier stuff’. #bullshit
Daniel Day Lewis will win an Oscar for his role as Abraham Lincoln in well, Lincoln. If he doesn’t, someone else will an Oscar for a role in another movie.
Meanwhile, Thor, Captain Kirk, Superman and Iron Man will do battle to be crowned king of the summer blockbuster. Jennifer Lawrence will beat them all into submission with a Hunger Games-shaped stick.
Cupcakes are dead. Seriously, please stop trying to peddle your red velvet, icing-laden fancies. We are genuinely surprised to see so many cupcake businesses still open; sadly, only a handful will survive unless they branch out.
Only a week into 2013 and a new Mexican eatery has opened on Dawson St – Tuzo. More Mexican places will open this year. If somewhere opens that delivers, they will have a massive advantage.
Popcorn is the snack food of 2013. Not just your standard boring old popcorn, but gourmet, fancified popcorn. Already doing it last year, JD’s Popcorn, didn’t quite have the market penetration that it had desired and have closed shop for now. In the US you can’t move for all the Garrett‘s locations serving the tastiest variations on the classic salted treat. Combining salty and sweet but also including Jalapeno, Smoky Cheese and so many other savoury delights, it’s really only a matter of time. In fact the Swan cinema in Rathmines already have popcorn seasoning at their tills to allow punters to experiment.
The numbers of Irish artisan food producers will continue to grow, with hopefully healthy results for our export market and the reputation of our produce.
The discerning food shopper will turn more and more to online shopping. SuperValu has become the first Irish supermarket chain to develop an app.
With more and more food intolerances emerging, the vegetable will come to the fore and new perspectives will emerge on how to cook and appreciate them. Jamie Oliver’s next book, come Autumn 2013, may play a big part in this.
The biggest impact comics will have in 2013 will be outside of the funny pages themselves. Once again, comic book movies will dominate the box office: Man of Steel, Iron Man 3, Thor 2, Kick Ass 2 etc. etc. etc. And if Joss Whedon’s S.H.I.E.L.D. pilot is done in time for the autumn TV schedule, it will win at television.
Meanwhile, in the comics themselves, Image Comics will continue from strength to strength as comics’ best writers are turning to more creator-owned work. Marvel Comics will continue along the successful long term strategies they seem to have planned for themselves, while DC comics will employ further desperate attempts to convince us that their ‘New 52′ reboot is cool, even though, with the exception of a few books, it sucks and everyone hates it.
Less a Mayan apocalypse, more a minor apocryphal blip, we should nevertheless embrace the future (we’re in the future right now. And right now too! AND RIGHT N-) with much frenzied joy, spit out that cyanide capsule, dig our claws into our thighs and brace ourselves for another year of scientific innovation, genius-milking and some totally sweet sci-fi blockbusters.
First off, we’re only a week into 2013 (2+0+1=3: Half-Life 3?) and the most isolated laboratory any side of McMurdo, the Mars Curiosity Rover, appears to have found a fossilised flower on the surface of the red planet. Almost definite proof of life on other planets, or a jumped-up, expensive hoax à la S.R. Hadden in contact? Or just a fabulous misread, like the oops-not-actually-faster-than-light-neutrinos seen at CERN in September 2011?
In nearly-as-exciting news, it would appear that a temperature below absolute zero, a condition not currently possible according to our current understanding of Physics, has been achieved in Munich. But hey, with the 99%-certain discovery of the Higgs boson, it’s the era for breaking the fundamental rules on which we’ve built our world.
But that enough interesting/boring shit for now, so let’s leave you with some odds as to what the next year holds for us. Geronimo!
2/1 – Another record hot summer due to global warming.
3/1 – Likelihood of finding that missing Higgs boson in the pocket of a coat you haven’t worn in ages
7/2 – Pacific Rim will be totally awesome.
20/1 – Felix Baumgartner will jump from an even greater height than he did in October
400/1 – Forest discovered on Mars
450/1 – James Cameron to be first human on Mars
1000/1 – Gears Of War 4 will be worth buying if you already have GOW3
5000/1 – Aliens make contact, find out we’re boring, leave us alone
About the Author
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- American politics
- Daniel Day Lewis
- DC New 52
- Dead Space 3
- Enda Kenny
- Felix Baumgartner
- Fine Gael
- Higgs boson
- Iron Man 3
- Joss Whedon
- Man of Steel
- Mars Curiosity Rover
- Richard and Alice
- Star Trek
- The Last of Us
- Tomb Raider
- Watch Dogs