Top 10 Fictional Screen Bunnies
Bunnies are synonymous with Easter in much the same way Santa is synonymous with presents, pancakes with Pancake Tuesday and drinking with Good Friday. As is the nature of bunnies, they have multiplied at a staggering rate in various strands of popular culture. Onscreen is no different, but fear not, because we here at Ramp.ie have culled the excess numbers and selected the very best from the ever-expanding populace. We have travailed the inner-cities, the distant past, the imaginary realms, and even the far reaches of outer space to bring this list to you… we even scooped up a few stray hares by mistake.
14. Bucky O’Hare – Bucky O’Hare
In more innocent times, an afternoon spent with Bucky had altogether different connotations than it does today. The early Nineties was a golden age for cartoons, as was the decade previous, with a plethora of fondly remembered classics.
Bucky O’Hare isn’t one of them. It was shit. The theme tune was shit too and that’s half the battle. Would anyone have given Captain Planet the time of day if his theme tune hadn’t ruled? Or James Bond Jr. for that matter. But look, as space hares go this guy was pretty tough, and he did a lot more in the fight against bad guys than that little prick Peppy Hare in Starwing…
Us: ‘I’ll do a fucking barrel roll if I want ye wee cu..!’
Our mammies: ‘What are you shouting about?’
But yeah, anyway, Bucky – just because you stick something in space doesn’t mean it’s any use.
13. The Rhosgobel Rabbits – The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
These fleet-pawed little legends appeared in The Hobbit pulling the oddball, mushroom-chomping, shit-stained Brown Wizard, Radagast, on a sleigh like a team of tiny huskies. His and their evasive manoeuvres ensured that our heroes could evade the clutches of the goblin Wargs. Just watch those little doggies rollin’.
12. The White Rabbit – Alice In Wonderland
This lad has been brought to the screen by Disney, and ex-Disney employee Tim Burton, in 1951 and 2010 respectively. It is the White Rabbit who, wittingly or not, leads Alice down the rabbithole to Narnia or whatever. He’s pretty well dressed for a rabbit, but he’s something of an enigma. Burton’s adaptation has him as some sort of rebel resistance fighter working against the Red Queen, but Disney is less forgiving, painting him as the little turncoat that he is.
11. The March Hare – Alice In Wonderland
The March Hare is cut from an altogether different cloth than the White Rabbit, a loveable loon in the Disney version and a demented Scotch fellow in the Burton one. A very, merry unbirthday everyone!
10. Jessica Rabbit – Who Framed Roger Rabbit
I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.
Jessica is one half of a perfectly acceptable interspecies marriage, a Toon woman shacked up with a Toon rabbit. Voiced by Kathleen Turner, Jessica is the ultimate screen siren, an amalgamation of every screen sexpot up to that point. Certain cinema-goers’ eyes were said to have literally popped out of their heads on the film’s release, possibly to do with the fact that some eagle-eyed viewers caught a glimpse of the supposed nude frames that had been surreptitiously inserted by the animators. The veracity of these shots remains unconfirmed by Snopes, so don’t injure yourselves rushing off to find the Blu-ray. Unsurprisingly, a sex toy exists named after this gold-hearted wampant wabbit.
9. The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog – Monty Python and the Holy Grail
We better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit’s dynamite.
Tim The Enchanter spoke of a cave, wherein King Arthur would find the last resting place of The Holy Grail. The cave was guarded by a creature ‘so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it, and lived.’ As a bunny appears from the chasm, the knights scoff. One is dispatched by Arthur to kill the rabbit, which promptly leaps for his jugular and decapitates this unfortunate Leporid-fodder. A bloodbath ensues, and knights fall, until the beast is ultimately eradicated in cowardly fashion by the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
8. Roger Rabbit – Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Roger is the A-list Toontown star and distressed husband of Jessica Rabbit, who is framed for murder and must enlist the help of Bob Hoskins’ private dick Eddie Valiant to clear his name. Roger is a high-strung fellow at the best of times – when Valiant shows him snaps of Jessica playing patty-cake with Marvin Acme, Roger bolts and is prime suspect when Acme is then murdered. It’s all down to a massive Machiavellian asshole called Judge Doom, and you better believe he gets what’s coming to him in true cartoon violence fashion.
7. Jimmy Sr. – The Commitments
That’s fuckin’ blasphemy! Elvis wasn’t a Cajun!
Although it was Jimmy Rabbitte who rounded up The Commitments and brought soul back to Dublin, it was Jimmy’s mutton-chopped, Elvis-loving da who kept Jimmy’s feet on solid ground with his non-suffering of fools (‘Is this the band then? Betcha U2 are shittin’ themselves.’) Without his exasperated support there would be no band; sure didn’t he let half of Dublin’s musicians through his doors to audition?
6. Frank – Donnie Darko
Frank is not so much a rabbit as a dude in a suit. In Donnie Darko, Frank acts as a psychopomp – a spirit guide, a conductor of souls to the ‘next place’. Frank exudes menace, as much as a man in a giant bunny costume can, but anyone whose predictions on the end of the world are this precise deserves to be taken seriously.
5. Harvey – Harvey
We here at Ramp.ie love Jimmy Stewart, and look on anyone who doesn’t with deep suspicion, for only the most cynical of hearts could hold anything but affection for the man who played George Bailey. Now, George Bailey gets roaring drunk in It’s A Wonderful Life before meeting his guardian angel, Clarence. We’re not saying that this makes Clarence any less real. In Harvey, Stewart plays Elwood, a genial drunk whose best friend is the rabbit of the title, a 6’ 3 & 1/2” pooka. You should be so lucky to have a friend like him.
4. The Entire cast of Watership Down
This is no Animals Of Farthing Wood, lads. Forget fuzzy-headed Art Garfunkel and the Bright Eyes, rose-tinted memories you think you may have of Watership Down. The abiding memory we have of this film is suffering. Suffering and death… death by the screaming warrenful. Did the rabbits come good in the end? Dunno, can’t remember. Who cares anyway… there’s loads of the fuckers.
3. Cadbury’s Caramel bunny
Ramp.ie readers of a certain generation will be familiar with this sultry vixen – no wait, that’s a fox – this foxy rabbit, who was so alluring that even a beaver was susceptible to her wiles *snigger*. Interspecies sex suddenly became an accepted paradigm, to the delight of darker chocolate lovers and furries everywhere. A birdy postman fell for her charms, while another instalment saw her lead one of her own species down a wooded trail after a knee-trembler against a wall.
2. Bugs Bunny
Ahh Bugs – scourge of Elmer Fudd, scourge of Yosemite Sam, scourge of Marvin the Martian, scourge of Porky Pig, scourge of Daffy Duck, scourge of Wile E. Coyote… a pattern, no? One of the screen’s greatest smartarses and the mainstay of many a childhood, Bugs has reigned supreme for almost eighty years now. Carrot-chomping nonchalance has never been so fully realised.
1. Bunny Colvin – The Wire
Bunny Colvin did the unimaginable – he reduced the crime rate in Baltimore without juking the stats, and even the bosses had to admit a grudging admiration for that. Major Howard ‘Bunny’ Colvin appeared in all but one season of HBO’s The Wire, but it was his Season 3 brainwave that made the Baltimore Police Department bosses pay attention. Colvin earmarked designated ‘free zones’ within Baltimore City where the drug dealers and junkies could buy and sell drugs free from police interference, thus moving crime away from the residential areas. This short-lived Mecca became know on the street as ‘Hamsterdam’ and for a brief, shining moment the denizens of Baltimore’s narcotics industry traded with impunity, while the corners remained clear. But, as sure as The Bunk follows puss-ai, Colvin’s Hamsterdam came crashing to an end, bringing Bunny’s career with it. Fear not, things worked out for Colvin over the following seasons, if you call adopting Namond Brice working out. For this final act of philanthropism alone, Bunny deserves the number one slot.