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8 Best Excuses for Not Drinking While Pregnant

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Posted May 13, 2013 by Aedín Collins in Ramp Lists
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So you’re up the duff? Congrats! But you’d rather keep it under wraps until after the 12th week and you have a lot of upcoming social engagements where alcohol will be present and your refusal to partake in a bevvy or two will at best rouse suspicion, at worse get you thrown out of your circle of die hard drinking buddies. Fear not! Ramp has your (aching) back with suggestions on how to fool even your nearest and dearest.

 

 

The traditionally tried and tested but not always trusted methods

1. “I’m broke/ saving for a house/car/holiday to somewhere, ANYWHERE with a  bit of sun.”

This excuse can be employed in order to stay out of the rounds system that so often leaves payday a painfully distant blip on the horizon and baffles some non-Irish people. If you can stay out of the rounds, then you’re free to get your own drink and so become mistress of your own sober destiny for a portion of the evening at least.

2. “I’m driving.”

It’s thankfully no longer acceptable social behaviour to drink and drive so bring the car with you into town on a night out, or failing that just make sure you have the car keys to jangle in the faces of insistent mates. Beware of the sly mate who will conspire to rob you of said keys, with a view to forcing you to partake in an alcoholic tipple or twelve.

3. I’m on antibiotics.

There’s always one mate who seems to question the wisdom of never mixing alcohol with antibiotics. While in theory it’s fine to do this with most of them (you’re just lessening their effectiveness) there are some words you should familiarise yourself with: Metronidazole, used to clear dental and vaginal infections and Tinidazole which helps to clear H pylori from your gut. A combination of booze with either of these two antibiotics can lead to nausea, vomiting and chest pains. So there. To be fair though once you mention the words vagina and infection, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be left alone by people.

4. I’ve recently discovered yoga and I’m up at 5am very morning to do a sun salute as well as being on a 30 day cleanse which precludes drinking any alcohol or eating anything that casts its own shadow.

Employ this excuse every time someone asks you if you’d like a drink and just watch their eyes glaze over. They’ll be practically tripping over themselves to get to the bar and distance themselves from your new found hippy dippy health buzz crap.

Thinking outside the box then.

1. I’m off the drink for Lent…

We Irish may not attend Mass in the same numbers as previous generations but no one will bat an eyelid to a lapsed Catholic in every other sense, professing to adhere to the tradition of giving up a favourite past time for Lent. This gives you approximately 40 days and 40 nights of the same excuse so if you time the birth of your sprog accordingly, this can be one of the only excuses you’ll need.

2. I’m in training for Lent…

But what if it’s the middle of summer or near Christmas and Lent is a far away occurrence? This excuse is for when you’ve decided to give something up but you’re just not sure which pesky habit you want to ditch- so this week you’re test driving giving up reality TV shows, next week you’re going to try to stop biting your nails, the week after that you’ll see how you fancy giving up the drink. It’s what Christ would have wanted, you see.

3. I’m off the drink for human rights issues.

This is a twist on certain celebrities’ morale stance on not getting married until it’s legal for everyone no matter their sexual preference. Your mantra will go a little something like this- “Hey, until every man and woman is free to enjoy an alcoholic beverage in every country on this wonderful planet of ours, then I will not drink in solidarity with those suffering an enforced sober existence.” That’s right, as well as growing a human being inside you, you’re now a human rights activist too – doesn’t it feel good?

Fake it til you make it

If all else fails and your cleverly thought up excuses are fooling no one, then it’s time to employ some devious tactics. Handily enough, a lot of non alcoholic drinks look exactly like those with alcohol in them. Your normal tipple is a Gin & Tonic? Swap it for a sparkling water with a slice of lemon. Cuba Libre kinda gal? Then it’s a Libre for you, hold the Cuba. As long as you schedule your trips to the bar around those of your mates then no one will be any the wiser.

There is of course usually one mate in the group whose sole purpose in life it seems is to get everyone else around him/her paralytically drunk through the medium of shots. This person is going to require a little more effort to fool and for this we turn to the best that mid 90s Hollywood  romcoms have to offer in terms of life lessons, this time opting for Coyote Ugly. Yes, it’s the old “Down a shot, swig from an empty beer bottle” trick. Now this will require a bit of  practice and some grace of movement, admittedly not  things that go hand in hand with the gravity defying nature of an ever-expanding belly. What you will need: a shot of whatever poison is deemed appropriate for the toasting of newly weds/ Ireland winning the Six Nations/ a 4 day weekend/Broadchurch being recommissioned for a second series – and an empty beer bottle.

So the trick is when everyone is downing their shots, you make it look like you’re following suit, then chase that shot down with a swig of beer from a bottle. What you’re actually doing is taking the shot but not swallowing it and simply depositing it into an empty beer bottle. Simples.


About the Author

Aedín Collins

Aedín is one of those perpetually perplexed types but she's but always willing to give it a lash Jack.

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