17 (Sometimes Disturbingly) Impressive Homemade Halloween Costumes
The shockingly high incidence of Christmas decorations in the shops might have you believe that we’re currently sometime in the middle of December, but nope, we’re still making our way toward halloween, and in the Ramp Basement, trickin’ and treatin’ and twerkin’ and tweetin’ is serious business. While trying to think up our own legendary looks, we set aside some time to make a list of (sometimes disturbingly) impressive homemade halloween costumes for your scrolling, eye-widening pleasure.
Here we go.
17. Etch-A-Sketch Man
The tame end of the scale. We just thought this guy did a damn good job. Minus points for not being scary. But a hearty backslap for effort.
16. A Big Pair of Tits
No you jerk bastard it’s not a Dolly Parton costume.
It’s actual giant tits.
15. Google Boobs
And while we’re on the subject of tits… we ain’t never seen THIS as the new Google Doodle.
It’s Google. But her boobs make the oo’s. HER BOOBS MAKE THE OO’s! It’s Boobgle!
We can’t even cope with the ingenuity.
14. Doggie the Pooh!
Yeah, how dodgy is that title? Are you expecting to see pooch droppings? We wouldn’t do that to you. (Totally would, and you’ll see worse further on down the scroll.)
Look at him with his honey pot! Someone tell the boss we can’t come in today. We’re drowning in a pool of our own pet-loving tears.
13. 3 Headed Dog
Okay just one more pet costume. Indulge us. Notice how we have not included any lame-o pictures of cats.
Plus, seriously, how creepy is 3 headed dog? From a distance he would look totes real, and you would totes shit yourself.
We bet if you cut one off another one appears.
12. Rock, Paper, Scissors
Look, obviously they lose marks for not including the full legit list – rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock – but this is another costume that gets backslaps for effort. We’re not entirely sure why they needed the explainer headbands. How unobservant are their mates? Did they try the same costume a year previous only to leave disappointed to the sound of vague comments like “Is she The Notebook?” and “What’s that grey blob? Ryan Reynolds for the midsection of the movie?”
11. Giraffe Girl
Somewhere, a broken-legged man is marooned in a chair, dying for a wee, wondering why he ever believed that Giraffe Girl would ‘definitely return’ his crutches just as soon as ever possible. But we don’t care about that. Look at her! Look at how she stitched giraffey patterns on her undercarriage! Snaps for you, giraffe girl.
10. Subtle Baby
We are now entering the baby section of proceedings. Believe us when we say, the internet is awash with baby and birth-based costumes (What? Is there something scary about childbirth? LOL j/k of course there is. *crosses legs at the thought of vagina ripping*) and this is actually the least terrifying of them.
We like how subtle it is. We imagine her a party, mid-conversation with a man who says ‘So what did you dress up a…..OHMYGOD.’
9. Your Baby Has Been Compromised
Well that’s not to leftover umbilical cord.
Also, award for most epic face to this kid.
This kid appears to have ripped its way through it’s own mother’s stomach, but judging by his wee plastic expression he’s remarkably nonplussed about the whole affair.
Yup, we’ll put that in the scary pile.
Not even in our most craven yokel nightmares have we ever dreamed up the “I Gave Birth To My Own Husband” episode of Jerry Springer.
Listen up, husbaby, and listen good, there is only one circumstance in which your face is supposed to be this close to your missus’s vagina… and this ain’t it.
6. That Poor Sheep
While we’re on the subject of craven.
There are petrified baaaaaaa’s ringing in our ears.
That poor sheep. We’ve never seen anyone look so delighted to be committing bestiality.*
*Admittedly, we have never previously witnessed someone engaging in bestiality. We haven’t. Stop looking at us like that.
5. Banging Man
See now, this guy know’s who it’s appropriate to ride!
The cheeky arse cupping is well impressive too.
4. Gingerbread Man
He’s ginger. And he’s wearing bread. And he’s a man. Ginger. Bread. Man. Gingerbreadman. Gingerbreadmanroflbahahaha.
This is too excellent.
Dear Irish people, welcome to your next Halloween costume.
3. Selfie Ghosts
What made us laugh *almost* as much as gingerbread dude? Only these ghosts taking selfies!
IT’S FUNNY COS GHOSTS DON’T EVEN SHOW UP ON PHOTOS!
Also, we now want them to do all manner of internety and hipster shit. Someone set up a tumblr for the ghosts and make them take photos of their dinners and twerk things. Pleaseeeeee?
2. Cartoon Face Girl
This is another one just made us impressed with the sheer effort. She cartooned her face!
When we put that much make-up on we just look like we’re trying to hide the signs of a left hook or get a job as a mime.
We are in awe of you, cartoon face girl.
1. The Human Centipede
Reminds us of the film and makes us heave and want to run away. Well played human centipede girl, you are the scariest costume of them all.