Ramp It Up, Stamp It Down: Friday, 11th of January
Ramp It Up!
Quvenzhané Wallis
And you thought Keisha Castle Hughes was impressive. Nine-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis has just become the youngest actress ever to be nominated for an Oscar for her role in Beasts Of The Southern Wild. She was 5 when she was cast. And look at you, twenty-eight and still unsure how to work the coffee machine in the canteen.
Aengus MacGrianna
Being caught re-applying his make-up and adjusting his tie when cameras returned to him sooner than expected would have been amusing enough, but it was the look on the news anchor’s face as his crew told him he was back on the air, coupled with the snappiest ‘WHAT?!’ in RTE history, that really iced our cakes.
David Bowie
In Soviet Russia, David Bowie gives you present on his birthday! Oh, wait, this isn’t Soviet Russia. And yet fans still got a surprise single on Bowie Day? Hooray!
Stamp It Down!
Loyalist Protests In Dublin
Loyalists are miffed that there are restrictions on flying the Union Jack in Northern Ireland, and so proposed to protest in Dublin by demanding the Tricolour be lowered from Leinster House. Next Week: Swedish trade unionists protest pension arrangements by demanding Guatemalan bus drivers remove their steering wheels.
Michael Bay
The respected prominent legendary director said of Irish actor Jack Reynor, who he’s cast in the next Transformers movie: ‘he is an Irish kid that came to America with 30 bucks in his pocket. Pretty Ballsy. Seriously, who does that?’. Unconfirmed as yet are reports that Reynor paid for his airline ticket in potatoes and that his agent is a leprechaun.
Pro-life morons
We conclude, based on their appearances before the Oireachtas hearings on legislating for abortion, that pro-choice campaigners are interested in the issue, and pro-life campaigners are only interested in themselves. Yesterday’s run of hearings was almost ruined by the orchestra of violins pro-lifers brought along. What planet are they on? Why, Planet Look-At Me, Look-At-Me, of course.
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