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The 5 Worst Kinds of People on Twitter

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Posted November 27, 2013 by Sascha O'Toole in Humour
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It’s time to talk about the world’s most dangerous social media site – Twitter. In a lot of cases, your use and knowledge of Twitter could make or break your career. Move over alcohol, because Twitter is the new cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. One of the main things that makes the site so dangerous is

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that there is nowhere to hide on it. Everyone from the President of the United States to my Ma is on Twitter (true story).

There are so many awful people on the tweet machine, but we’ve whittled it down to the five worst of the worst for your benefit.

1. Trolls

These are a different kind of troll.

These are a different kind of troll.

The internet troll can be found on every site known to the internet, but on Twitter they are particularly vile. A troll spends most of their time and energy disapproving of things, moaning, whinging, giving out, and in more extreme cases putting the subject of their hate on trial. This will involve large groups of trolls coming together to send as much abuse as possible to the person/account in question. The less extreme trolls are usually critics, or if they aren’t they should be. In many cases you might agree with the critic-troll, but the sheer volume of their whinging will negate that and you’ll just hate them anyway.

 

2. The Twitter Couple

We get it, you're in love.

We get it, you’re in love.

You know those overly demonstrative couples who constantly post to each others’ Facebook walls, comment, like and tag each other everywhere? They’re on Twitter too. Not content with just letting their Facebook friends know what a charmed life of togetherness and fun they lead, they tweet about it too. They’ll tweet cute pictures of each other, check each other in when they go out for dinner (even if it’s just to Eddie Rocket’s), but that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it is that they will relentlessly mention each other on Twitter for the sake of an in joke. Usually it’ll involve some whimsical meme, but sometimes it’s just one word. For example: “@JohnDunne Moocow. x”. These tweets are indescribably maddening, but not half as maddening as knowing that the Twitter Couple think this is CUTE. Really we should feel sorry for the Twitter Couple. Between the tweets, the check ins and the Facebook posts they can hardly have any time at all to talk to each other.

3. Show offs

Will your presentation be available for download later? I'm sure you'll tweet the link.

Will your presentation be available for download later? I’m sure you’ll tweet the link.

 

These people have been around since the dawn of social media, but they are particularly bad on Twitter. Usually this person’s tweets, although coming from a personal account, will for some bizarre reason be exclusively work-related. Instead of promoting their company/start-up/whatever on a dedicated account, they’ll keep you up to speed on their latest endeavours, appearances at conferences, and so forth, with a few inspirational quotes thrown in for good measure. The quotes, oh dear god the quotes. They’ll also use their Twitter account to organise networking coffee dates, because a phone call or a text message simply isn’t public enough. Basically they act like they’re celebrities. It is particularly frustrating that these types of accounts always have a large number of followers, thus justifying their constant stream of self-congratulating tweets. Resist the urge to smack them and click the unfollow button.

4. The Healthy Eater

Nom nom nom.

Nom nom nom.

 

These people keep to a gluten free, wheat free, dairy free, vegan plant-based diet despite having no food allergies. They will update you daily on what they had for lunch or dinner, usually with a link to an Instagram picture of said lunch presented on some kind of quirky crockery. Their meals contain types of berries and seeds you’ve never heard of, which provide kinds of “nutrients” you had no idea you needed. The stream of nutritionist jargon coming from these accounts will be the perfect guilt trip while you’re enjoying your O’Brien’s toasted sandwich for lunch. Listen, if you’ve gotten this far without all these fancy nutrients, you’re grand. ‘Twas far from goji berries and chia seeds you were raised.

 

5. The Gym Bunny

Yeah, well, I'm on my third cupcake.

Yeah, well, I’m on my third cupcake.

I don’t even need to describe this kind of person, do I? If you fancy a running commentary on every work out, every protein shake, and every crack of dawn run, as well as how they’re feeling after Legs Day, follow these guys. We’re all probably guilty of a little gloating after a good work out, but these people take it one step further and tweet up a storm about their gym sessions day in, day out. If you’re tempted to put out a tweet like the above, just take your bloody endorphins elsewhere. No one wants to see that.

Complement your knowledge of the worst people on the Internet by checking out our Five Worst Kinds of People on Facebook.


About the Author

Sascha O'Toole

Sascha O'Toole is a Kilkenny native, but don't judge her for it. Seriously, don't, or she'll bate you with a hurley.

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