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Kill This Word: ‘X’

Posted July 31, 2012 by Seán Earley in Humour
Kill This Word - X

Okay, I know I’m awkward, and as such it’s a letter that my gripe is with, not a word. The accused? The letter X. I have decided that we can all survive without its two crossed, diving diagonal lines. But wait! you say. That letter brings us such bold delights as ‘foxy’, ‘sexy’, ‘ex’ and ‘vex’.  Then there’s also the lovely ‘Xena’ (warrior princess), ‘Xerox’ (containing TWO different pronounciations of the same letter? Woah. Mindblown.) and ‘Xenon’.

I think English is hard enough for people to learn without this x craic. I say that 26 letters in an alphabet is too round a number. Think about it. 25 is so much nicer than 26, right? My proposal: replace all the words that end with the letter x to a ‘cks’. So sex becomes ‘secks’, fox becomes ‘focks’, it even works with words that have an x mid-word like ‘eckschange’. Bet you read that last one and I didn’t even have to tell you how. Go you! The other words that begin with x can now start with a ‘z’.

‘Oh hey can you order in some paper?’

‘Sure, what brand?’

‘Zerocks please. Oh and can you Fedecks that in?’

‘I’ll make sure to check for ecksport charges.’

Ok, ok sure it’s not as secksy written in type but it’s more practical damn it. I reckon with cutting this eckstra letter from our vocab the Germans will write down at least €2bn worth of national debt. Sound lads, sound.

With all this free time x can go back to being used to put people in their place when they’re wrong or used at an adorable vomit-inducing rate to illustrate affection at the end of a text message or email.

So, should we eckspel the letter x?

About the Author

Seán Earley

  • http://www.lisamcinerney.com Lisa McInerney

    I’m saving X, for the simple reason that I’d rather not have secks with anyone ever. 

  • http://twitter.com/kevmclean Matches Malone

    I’m afraid I have also saved X. I was convinced up until the sentence:

    ‘Zerocks please. Oh and can you Fedecks that in?’

    I mentally voiced that as Sylvester the Cat; I hate Sylvester the Cat.

  • http://twitter.com/kevmclean Matches Malone

    Edit: Oooops double post.

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