The Hiall File: Irish Lad From World’s Biggest Boyband Reveals All
Jaysus, so I thought I’d start a diary so everyone knows what I’ve been getting up to. When I’m getting interviewed no one ever asks me any questions; sometimes they send me out to get everyone coffee or sandwiches or carry really heavy boxes out to a van, so I never get a chance to tell everyone how I’m getting on. So now here it is, my first diary entry.
Basically, everything’s been grand.
Eh well we’ve been travelling around and playing gigs. I go out and tip tap tap on the oul’ guitar and we all have a sing-along. It’s the craic! Sometimes I wander off stage to eat some crisps and have a nap but no-one notices so that’s class!
I got my braces off! They were these mad new invisible ones; Jaysus, technology these days, eh? Now my teeth are as straight as a cow’s testicles, and if you have seen as many of those as I have you’ll know they are damn straight. They don’t call me the Irish one for nothing! So I’m making sure to show my mouth off as much as possible in all the mad music videos we’ve been doing.
We did one music video where we held the camera and we went off to Africa. I thought that place was imaginary, like Atlantis or Ikea, but apparently it’s real. Who knew? We had a mad time in Africa. There was muck everywhere and I bloody love muck. Ask anyone who knows me (my Mam) and they’ll tell ya ‘Ah yes, the one thing Hiall loves is some good muck’ and they’d be right!
My Mam has been telling me how handsome I look with my new shiny teeth so I’ve been sticking them out into people’s faces and cameras loads. I bet everyone thinks they’re great; they take up nearly all my face, which is the best.
And now the management say I’m allowed smile in photos, so I’ve been practicing in the mirror. I’m hoping if I get it right they won’t hide me behind Hairy’s hair all the time, but sure I don’t really mind, it’s all a bitta craic, isn’t it!
Sure I don’t know where we’re off to next – it’s mad, this whole boyband thing – but I’ll talk to you soon, diary, about me and the boys’ shenanigans. We’re always doing something mad like jumping in the air or high-fiving paparazzi or running around in human-sized hamster balls.
Sometimes when I’m talking too much our manager puts me in one of those balls and leaves me alone in my hotel room for hours. It’s mad funny. Once it must have been nearly 48 hours, I nearly died of dehydration.
Sure half the time I don’t know what’s going on! Ha ha ha ha ha… ha.
The lovely Niall bobblehead in our featured image can be purchased from Enchanted Wood here.