The 7 Happiest Sounds in Video Games
There are certain sounds in life that just make everything a little better. Remember when you were sixteen and texting that person you fancy? Sure you would nearly leap to the ceiling every time you heard your beloved 3310 go off. And who doesn’t want to hug the nearest tramp when on a Saturday night the ATM does that counting noise that means, no matter what the weather, you making it rain tonight son? In the world of video games there are sound effects that can make you want to curse the 32-bit gods and there some that make you want to wrap your PlayStation in a wine dress made by its sister and take her to the debs. This is a collection of the latter.
Firstly, may I say that this is a collection of the sounds that bring a person joy, not just famous sounds. So that Metal Gear Solid ‘!’ noise? Yeah, that can jog on. Sure everyone knows it but if you hear it you’ve fucked up, and now you have to sit through that twelve-minute codec conversation about the origins of Godzilla again, you twat.
7. Unreal Tournament: M-M-M-MONSTER KILL
Ah, the joy of a big booming male voice being proud of something that you’ve done. Seeing as chances are you’ve done nothing for your father to be proud of, you flock to Unreal to give you the hug Pops saves for your big brother who has probably just played in the All Ireland minor final. Your brother has never pulled off a sweet move using the Redeemer… so fuck him.
6. The Last Of Us: The clickers’… clicking
While not a noise heralding a victory, nothing besides Breaking Bad cliffhangers and realizing you’ve been drunk-texting makes you more tense, and that makes for good gaming. Of course the sense of satisfaction and relief will come once you’ve cleared out a room of these chaps, but that feeling of ‘Aw, shit’ when you first hear those clicks is just awesome.
5. Half-Life: The health stations
In the same way that cool people in movies light a cigarette after sex, the health stations in Half-Life allow you a chance to a recover after a frankly strenuous ordeal. When you’ve just about managed to blow up enough military personnel to police a small state and even a few of those cool-sounding dog aliens for good measure, the very cool sound of your health being replenished is better than hearing your PE teacher tell you to dress for indoors on a pissing wet Monday morning.
4. PlayStation start-up
Yes, this is a bit of a cheat but one of the start-up sounds had to get in there. While the PS3 and Xbox 360 ones are loved, this one is just old enough to bring about feelings of nostalgia. This sound symbolised hope and excitement on so many birthdays and Christmases as it meant you were about to crack into your present , and more importantly didn’t yet know if the game was going to be rubbish.
3. Mario Kart : The countdown to the race
Only possibly on your wedding day or when about to go to a festival can the sight of a lovely white cloud bring you more joy than when Lakitu pops down in Mario Kart, knowing that in just three short tones you’re going to be having the most fun on wheels since Del Boy’s jolly boys outing. The nervous, excited feeling in your stomach when you hear that countdown before engaging in battle mode with your foe can only be rivalled by how sick your stomach felt as you leaned in for your first kiss. I can only imagine what having your first kiss while playing a battle mode in Mario Kart might feel like… probably like kissing the stars while awkwardly fondling the moon.
2. Day Of Defeat: ‘Objective secured!’
Who knew hearing a Nazi solider shouting in victory would bring so much satisfaction? Well, Hitler did, but he was a dick. When you hear either your guy or one of your brave teammates shout ‘Objective secured!’ or something in German that probably means ‘Boom! If Nazis were One Direction I am Harry Styles motherfucker!’ once they get that flag, you are no longer four sweaty people playing in a LAN centre with the curtains pulled over at four o’clock on Saturday evening, you are a band of brothers my friend.
1. Goldeneye: The Silenced PP7
Not just the greatest noise in gaming history, but possibly the greatest noise known to man. That feeling you get after clearing out a room with the PP7 is enough satisfaction to even fill a Snickers-gorging Mick Jagger. Even when playing pistols-only multiplayer and having your friend shoot you with the PP7 even though you have just respawned and don’t have a weapon, its hard to be mad because at least they did it with this baby. You still will be mad though because shooting at an unarmed person in Goldeneye is the videogame equivalent of prefixing every noun you write on social media with a hashtag: it’s needless and makes your friends hate you.
So there you go, seven of the greatest and most satisfying sounds in gaming. Actually there is only one way that the silenced PP7 in Goldeneye could sound any better. Or more handsome…