Top Ten Awful And Often Horrifying Cakes
Cake. Everyone loves cake. Cakes arrive when something brilliant has happened or is about to happen. Cake is necessary ingredient to an evening spent eating your feelings. Cake, be it succulent chocolate fudge topped with a dollop of fresh cream or sweet raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake or buttercream and strawberry jam, is brilliant.
But sometimes, Reader, cake goes wrong. Sometimes cake goes very wrong indeed.
So here on Ramp.ie, courtesy of images from Cake Wrecks, we’d like to present our fourteen Top Ten fucked up cakes that will surely make you frightened and confused.
Upon first glance, this is fucking adorable. Eight delightful little kittens hanging out by the photocopier – Classic. Ha! One of the charming little dotes is attempting photocopy his bottom. That cheeky scamp is … hold the phone. One of the kittens seems to be stuck in the paper tray. Jesus. That’s unnecessarily gruesome isn’t it?. He seems to be in a considerable amount of pain. What kind of cake is this? Imagine this arrived for your child’s birthday party? Imagine having to explain to another parent why, following attendance at your kid’s party, their little Timmy began wetting the bed or why little Britney started drawing plane crashes? Is he stuck in or emerging from the paper tray? If he’s trying to climb out of the machine, that’s even more disturbing. That means it’s not eight delightful little kittens, that’s ONE delightful little kitten and he has been cloned for our entertainment to amuse and then to eat.
Their silent smiles look deep into your soul and you know that you will never feel joy again.
Nothing says ‘Happy Birthday!’ like a rainbow bursting from, and covered in, human excrement.
Shrek? Is that you? Why is your face all melty?
Why, this is the most festive penis we’ve ever seen! We didn’t know that the penis could launch itself like Halloween firework, bursting free from the shackles of the testicles to streak across the midnight sky like a glittering talisman in the dark. This could be a symbol of the UN such is the level of inspiration given by this patriotic plump piece of sugary meat. That’s sarcasm of course. In reality it looks like something that could be served during Afternoon Tea at your-neighbour-who-vacuums-his-grass-that-you-were-convinced-is-a-serial-killer-and-now-you-have-the-proof’s house. Run! RUN YOU FOOL.
Why thank you! People often compliment us on our clavicals. You have a nice … elbow.
Is it dead?
This looks like it would taste ‘dusty’. We can only assume this was made for a Victorian ghost.
Did you know the human penis could launch a space shuttle? We didn’t. That’s our ‘learn something new’ for the day. Perhaps this was made to celebrate NASA’s recent success landing Curiosity on Mars.
“Well done on making history. Here is a giant Cock Cake”.
Please meet the latest addition to those nightmares you get when you spend the night shamelessly looking yourself up on The Internet and eating uncut blocks of cheese. His name is ‘Mr Chappy’.
So do we all. So do we all.
Good. God. We can’t even think of an occasion that would merit such a monstrosity.
Maybe ‘Congratulations Jeremy, you made the voices go away. For now’.
Most of the cakes featured on Cake Wrecks look about as edible as cardboard but are we alone in thinking that this looks delicious? It’s clearly some kind of strawberry connoction for a start. Also, it appears to be decorated by those sweetie teeth you used to get in 10p Pic n’ Mixes. You know the sort. The ones you stuck over your own teeth to make your mates laugh back before The Internet when we were all still easily impressed. The ones covered in that kind of sugary dust that got everywhere. The day they became illegal was one of the saddest days of our young lives. So what if they were carcinogenic, pfh, isn’t everything nowadays?
What. The. Good. Fuck?
Why wouldn’t a bride want to create a scale model of herself in cake in order to slice up and serve to her family and friends? It’s the very definition of ‘class’. Look at her sure. She looks delighted with her decision.
And yet there is an emptiness inside which she cannot explain.