Do Over: Retro Theatre Review: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers World Tour Live on Stage – 1994
Pros:Fighting, screaming, battles on the moon, stuff blowing up, the most shoutable theme tune in history
Cons:Potential threat of epilepsy
It’s not easy being a superhero, but every so often this writer likes to take a break from saving the world, travel back in time and watch a classic kids’ TV show come to the stage. Oh yes, it’s Morphin’ time.
There is wonder in the air. The parents are unsure, but the kids know that something magical is going to happen tonight, as a starry night sky sweeps in early on Dublin this late November ev’n. Dozens of teenage girls in short-sleeved yellow shirts wander about the entrance to the Point Depot, handing out glow sticks and small, totally useless reflective pieces of plastic attached to the end of a string. Your pre-pubescent brain thinks nothing of it; you hang it around your neck and cast it off to the back of your memory while exploring just how tasty are the contents of this delicious-looking glowstick.
It’s not long before The Evil Lord Zedd (always referred to in the dialogue as The Evil Lord Zedd) starts trouble by kidnapping the similarly evil Rita Repulsa. The Evil Lord Zedd reveals to us that he plans to cause chaos in our city, away from the Power Rangers home in Angel Grove, so he can get up to his evil shenanigans away from their prying eyes. There follows plenty of screaming and GBH (from both the stage and the audience) with an intensity rarely seen outside the walls of a Guantanamo Bay interrogation room. Zordon and Alpha realise that shit’s about to get real, and it’s time to minicall the Power Rangers.
A panicked Tommy appears on the screen! The Power Rangers are here! They’re really here! Sure, we don’t see their faces in person, off of the big screen, but it must be them inside their suits when they emerge, right? I don’t need to see them change – I believe! Besides, they wouldn’t lie to thousands of kids at once, would they? Cascading in on a great deal of excitement, the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers leap out from behind the stage screen like a sextet of Parkinson’s sufferers, screaming out the names of random dinosaurs with each involuntary limb spasm. They don’t hesitate in kicking The Evil Lord Zedd’s minions straight to the nearest mortuary, or infirmary if you went to the matinee. The crowd erupts gaily. The delirium is universal.
After a further 45 minutes of almost ceaseless ass-kicking, plot developments/twists, MDMA-propelled guitar riffs, cameos of characters from the series and the odd televised news report, the Power Rangers finally come up against their greatest challenge yet: a gargantuan, Point Depot-sized, massively exothermic The Evil Lord Zedd. Oh shit! Not only have the Power Rangers figured out that The Evil Lord Zedd is going to kill them, he’s going to kill you too! And all your friends! And they’re not powerful enough to stop him on their own! If only there was some way to reflect all of that artificial light he’s exuding back onto him.
Wait a minute! The realisation hits your young self. Your left hand slides to the side of your neck, grabbing that previously useless sheet of recyclable silver and lifting it to the air, as you would present your heart to your love on your wedding day. Can The Evil Lord Zedd withstand such a united show of love, friendship and background radiation? Can he, fuck.
A huge victory for the good guys is had this day. Terror, explosions, marital arts, audience interaction of an unprecedented scale, pantomime gold, guitar solos, unspeakably bouncy evil enemies, gigantic photophobic monstrosities, boozy chants, arming infants with weapons of mass destruction that could handily fit inside a nappy – The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers World Tour Live on Stage show is about the greatest thing a person whose age remains in single digits could possibly have hoped for. The effect is the same for those in triple digits.
The Rangers take their bow onstage after a breathless show, as another emergency awaits them back in Angel Grove. ‘No rest for the wicked!’ sighs the White Ranger. The tributes and lessons learned are led by the Pink Ranger: ‘Don’t forget to be good! Be kind! Help out others! And always try to do the right thing!’ A sentiment so true she felt she needed to say it in four different ways. As thousands of tiny, smiley faces flocked away from the Point, we could all be pleased with ourselves, knowing we did each other proud that day. All our parents must be delighted that they had paid in excess of £30 per ticket, so that their children could rightfully claim to have protected them. One could go to sleep soundly that night, satisfied, at least for the time being, that the world was a safe place again.
Mighty Fuck Yeah Power Rangers.
Note: Because this is the Internet, someone has, of course, uploaded the entire show to YouTube. Enjoy.