Movie Review: Les Misérables
Pros:Anne Hathaway is outstanding, whilst Hugh Jackman and Eddie Redmayne also prove excellent performers.
Cons:The rest of the cast is a mixed bag, and director Tom Hooper seems unsure how best to tell any of the many characters' stories.
Despite some fine singing, Anne Hathaway especially, Les Misérables is more interested in recreating memories of the stage show than telling a compelling story.
With sincerest apologies to Claude-Michel Schönberg, Jean-Marc Natel, Alain Boubil and Herbert Kretzmeyer.
Act I (sing to the tune of ‘I Dreamed A Dream’)
I’ve seen Les Mis versions go by,
Starring Messrs Laughton and Neeson.
Now to the screen, ‘mid baited sigh,
Comes the massive West End sensation.
Starring Wolverine as Valjean,
A man imprisoned, beat and detested.
Thus starts a story good ‘n long,
So please keep up; make sure you’re rested.
Big Russell Crowe is the law,
but he makes an awful blunder.
Valjean escapes Crowe’s moral maw,
And gives himself a new naaaaaaAAAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEE! *vocal chords pop*
He becomes wealthy, full of pride.
He fills his factory with poor dames.
Such as Anne Hath’way, but she’s fired
And then steals all our hearts away.
And so Oscar will come to her.
Fantine got soul, goes hell for leather.
Jackman’s good too, and so this twofer
Help overcome stormier weather.
I had a dream this film would be
So different from this one they star in,
‘cause lest you’ve seen it live, it seems
you’re doomed to have naught but dreams.
Act II (sing to the tune of ‘Master of the House’)
Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet Hooper, big director in town.
He got an Oscar for not too much;
Firth’s stammer made him pick of the bunch.
So it came to be,
After his glory,
Hooper laid his new bet,
And opted to be
Master of Les Mis, newly golden gilt,
Ready with a shaky-cam and a Dutch tilt.
Tells an epic tale, as Crowe’s obsessive cop
Rues the day he ever met that escaped fop.
Valjean hunts down Fantine’s young’un.
Bonham Carter adds some spice,
As does Baron Cohen,
Selling little Cosette for a high price!
Master of Les Mis, the pacing is times two
Room for lots of singing but naught else gets through.
Wasting lots of time as the plot struggles for breath,
On stage it’s great, but on the screen it feels like death.
Everybody loves a sing-song,
But it kills the plot and pace.
Hoop does whatever pleases.
Jesus! Take the camera from my face!
Master of Les Mis, quick to catch yer eye
with weak CGI backgrounds that sting like a stye.
It boasts a stagey look (At the fans’ behest?).
At times it looks passable, at others it’s a mess.
As for the final rebellion,
It’s especially denied,
The epic scope it needed,
Jesus! ‘Cause the camera’s in my face!